Last September, I lost my three-year-old dog/best friend in a pit-bull attack. While I was bruised and bloodied, I felt severe guilt over falling apart instead of finding a way to help him. I’ve sought counseling, focused mostly on anxiety, for which I’m already medicated.

My family and friends are great support, but no one "totally" understands my grief. I've read self-help books on pet loss, but none deal with such traumatic loss.

The pit-bull owners were my neighbors, who had several prior citations, had already had one dog confiscated, and were all-around irresponsible and cruel to their pets. They moved away.

There’s little I can do legally. I've already tried counseling, prayer, group meetings, Internet searches - what else can I do to ease my pain?

Any readers insights, emails, requests, assistance are entirely welcome and appreciated.

Grieving In Chicago

All grief is personal, and arouses other anxieties, fears, and other feelings of loss. With traumatic loss such as yours – sudden, violent – you feel powerless. The fact that it’s a pet is for you no different than a child, because you felt the dog was in your care, and your responsibility.

So continue with the counselling, especially as you’ve been prone to anxieties. Coordinate your psychological therapy with your doctor, regarding the medication you’re already on, in case something else would be more effective through this period.

My suggestion: Perhaps a fund-raising event towards a pet-related charity, in your dog’s honour, might take you outside your grief, and give purpose to the pleasure/companionship your dog gave you.

Dear Readers – So many of you have written me about closeness with pets and grief after their loss. Please send me any resources or ideas you can offer to help this writer heal.

I've asked my parents over 40 times if I can get a belly piercing and my mom said no every time. She said if I get one without her permission then she would never forgive me.

It makes no sense considering I'm allowed to get any other part of my body pierced. What should I do to tell her that I'm going get it done, no matter what?

Or should I just not tell her at all?

Confused Teenager

You sure are confused, since you have no idea what you’re mother is really trying to say.

Let me help you understand: She’s saying that she’s worried that you make decisions just to go against her (as you’re doing now), rather than decisions that you’ve thought through about their benefit or possible harm to you.

She’s obviously not against body-piercing in general. But something about belly piercing worries her. Ask her why – and not as an attack, but for real information. Maybe she thinks you’re just trying to copy someone else, instead of knowing what you really want, and what makes you distinctive, not just a follower. Maybe.

Or maybe you have a lot of piercings already and she fears you’re identifying yourself with one look, one crowd, instead of learning about other ways you’re unique – e.g. your abilities at music, art, sports, whatever.

Maybe she worries about the cleanliness and safety of a belly-ring. Or about you then baring your belly frequently for attention.

Her worries “make no sense” to you, because you don’t give her credit for caring deeply about you. Talk to her. Know she cares. Decide together what’s acceptable and what’s not, especially while you live under her roof and expect her to look after you.

My son, late 20s, had a good business idea and hoped I’d invest in it. I asked for a proper business plan.

It was over-ambitious given his lack of experience in that field. I suggested he keep his job for a year, while taking night courses for credentials and knowledge.

He exploded, said I was reneging on my promise to invest, and stormed out. He’d been living with us to save money, but is now couch-surfing with friends and won’t return my calls. It’s been a month.

Was I wrong?

Worried Dad

It’s your approach… he felt belittled, since your focus was what he lacked, not the good idea.

You both needed a third party to assess the business plan, and make suggestions he’d likely have heard with less emotion.

Find a business friend/contact who’ll listen objectively, then send a message to your son that you still like the idea, and it’ll be discussed professionally.