My parents are early-70s and my father's increasingly impatient, and sometimes gets annoyed with my kids when all they're doing is making a little noise while having fun - nothing harmful to each other or anything in Grandpa's house.

My mother seems to conveniently forget half of what I tell her. Even though we've arranged to meet somewhere or she's agreed to baby-sit, she'll not show, or call at the last minute to ask if we had any plans. Meanwhile, she's still active with her bridge and walking groups.

At what point are these excuses for not being around my kids, and me or do I start taking them to doctors and checking for Alzheimer's?

Worried

Some people do find, as they get older that they have less patience for loud noises, or for hectic scenes (e.g. crowds, kids' running about).

It's not an insult to you and your children, nor is it a lessening of love, so try not to take these changes personally.

It's also common for older people - some sooner than others - to have trouble with multi-tasking and/or remembering too many small details. Since Mom still calls to check, these aren't signs of Alzheimer's, rather signs of overloading herself with too many tasks or arrangements.

If you have plans with her, check two days beforehand. Also, try to keep the kids' activities in the grandparent's home at a moderate pitch, since your parents aren't used to those child-hyped scenes any more.

You and your family can still have fun, happy times together for many years.

FEEDBACK Regarding the grown daughter who grew up with an abusive mother (Jan. 2):

Reader - "Being the product of such an environment growing up, though somewhat less brutal, there are ways to deal with this depending upon present circumstances.

"Firstly, the mother had severe mental health issues, but projecting that onto a defenseless child in the form of physical and mental abuse is inexcusable and probably criminal.

"Allowing it to happen, as the father did, borders on the disinterested type of non-parenting (Ellie: his ignoring it is also considered criminal today.)

"As this has persisted into adulthood, the ONLY thing she should think about is herself and her new family.

"She has no need of her family's ideas constantly assaulting her. Cutting ties for however long needed is the only course of action to self-help and re-establishment of self-esteem.

"I moved across the world and after some cursory notes and post cards home but no return address, things grew slightly better.

"Eventually, after many years and my mother's further descent into mental decline, I was able to return for visits. She remembered none of the abuse and finally I could make peace with her and my father before they died.

"The same cannot be said for my sister who copied my parents. I have no reason to neither return nor communicate other than banal offerings that leave no room for her negativity. When a person tries and stays in a toxic situation they too become toxic. It feeds on itself and destroys lives. Tell this person to save herself and her family and cease contact. Perhaps they cannot move away but they can change contact information and make it clear that the parents aren't welcome to come to their home unless invited.

"You cannot choose your family, but you can choose to not let them continue to hurt you."

Been There, Lived That.

FEEDBACK Regarding the boyfriend's sudden "meltdown" that ended a relationship (Dec. 31):

Reader - "Panic attacks and overwhelming anxiety can relate to a panic and anxiety disorder. If untreated, it can inflict great pain on all those involved.

"But treatments such as cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) can change and save lives by teaching coping skills to neutralize, or significantly diminish, the impact of panic and anxiety.

"The run-away guy, who left "blind-sided" in the lurch, was using the most common and reactive coping skill - avoidance.

"I was fortunate when I suffered this so badly that I had to leave work, that I had a supportive, loving husband who wasn't afraid of confronting a mental health issue the same as any health issue, an employer who saw it similarly, and a psychologist who knew CBT and how to treat me. The brain, just like any other organ, can malfunction but can often be repaired."