Three months ago I started seeing a guy who lives quite far away.
I visited him for the first time three weeks ago and enjoyed every minute.
I returned home only for my job, but it was a hard decision to make.
I could see spending my life with him. I’ve never felt this strongly so quickly. But I think it’s too soon.
He said he’d love for me to move and live there. But the time I moved in with someone, it didn't work and put me in debt. I’m terrified of having it happen again.
I told him that I’m very hesitant to move away from everything I know and start over. But I also feel that I’ve done everything I can here.
He makes me feel like I’m the most beautiful person. Am I crazy for considering a move this soon in a relationship? I feel he could be “the one.” He keeps saying he’s going to make me his wife. (I’ve heard all that before.)
But he’s so kind-hearted, sweet, has an amazing smile and is a perfect single father to his two beautiful kids!!
Not yet! You’ve spent one visit – a long weekend, or a week – with someone you hardly know beyond the attraction.
I understand the excitement of his compliments, his eagerness to plan a future together, the beautiful children.
Continue to visit him when possible, get to know him a lot better, and discuss how your moving there would work.
Does he expect you to be a full-time mom and are you prepared for that? Will you be paying rent and sharing other expenses? Are there likely job opportunities there, if you choose/need to work?
These are crucial talks made necessary by your rush to consider risking a second move-in situation. You already know that it’s too soon, or you wouldn’t have written this letter.
You can enjoy these excited feelings so long as you only decide – in time - based on conviction that it’s worth the risk, and that his mentioning marriage, if that’s what you want, is real and not just a lure.
Reader’s Commentary Regarding the impact of social media on Relationships:
“For forty-two years I had a wonderful husband, a man of integrity beyond reproach. Through a social media connection, he became a remorseless liar, deceiver, and betrayer.
“During his six-year affair, I lost all love and respect for him but also lost my own self-respect.
“I discovered the affair twice, but blindly believed when he assured me it was over.
“How stupid I was to remain with him even after a sexually transmitted disease (STD) from him required me to have a hysterectomy.
“After this recent third discovery, I’m ending our 49-year marriage. I’m terrified of a future alone, but I can no longer risk my mental, emotional and physical health.
“It’s time to feel worthy enough to respect myself.”
Awakened At Last
Your story is a very strong caution to all – women, men, straight, gay, etc. – that once a partner is sexually active with someone else, your own physical health can be at risk.
Social media is not the cause of a partner’s cheating. But it gives broad access to connect with old flames, strangers, and new “friends.”
And, if the partner’s having a secret affair, then lying and denying it, the lost trust is your signal to decide how to stay strong and take care of yourself, and your future.
I’m worried that I’m “tone deaf.”
When I was growing up, my parents never said things like:
“Don’t use that tone with me!” “I don’t want any of your attitude!”
I never heard my parents use the word “sass” with me or my siblings.
I’ve noticed people angrily using these types of sayings with their children and family.
Sometimes I see a shoulder-shrug, facial expression hear some sarcasm from the person they’re now yelling at.
There must be more to the interaction that I’m missing that would cause such an angry response.
How do I become more sensitive to the pain others may be trying to cause me, with their tone, attitude and sass?
With non-musical tone deafness, you may indeed appear insensitive. So, when in a difficult conversation, ask the speaker what he/she mostly wants to convey, because you’re just not getting it.
This might be something a speech therapist can help you with.
Tip of the day:
Don’t rush a live-in relationship before knowing solid facts, agreed plans and his/her true character.