My husband of 20-plus years is cold and distant. He's always been "quiet," but for 15 years he's disliked entertaining or seeing friends or family - even his own with whom he gets along.

If we do go out, he says little to anyone, and rarely participates. He walks ahead, or nowhere near me, and resists conversation with me.

He'll get angry when he's not been brought up-to-date on things, but he's so unapproachable. Our children don't communicate much with him either, because they can't guess his mood. If he doesn't get his own way, he sulks, and even has temper tantrums. He treats any questions about the house or kids' behaviour as my "nagging."

He's built this huge "fortress" around himself. In the evenings, he's always writing a "to do list," but acts like it's top secret.

Our children are leaving for university soon, and I can't tolerate this "anti-social" lifestyle much longer. I've created my own social networks, interests, and activities with the children.

Tired of Fortress

Suggest counseling, even though he'll likely refuse. Then, go yourself, and also see a lawyer. You need to face the emotional and economic realities (and your rights) of being on your own, and of dealing with your children's reactions, too.

You expressed this very well, all from your perspective. Give him a chance to tell his side, if he will, by alerting him to your plans, once you have some.

He sounds like a man emotionally blocked for reasons you don't seem to know. Perhaps he'll be shocked into wanting to work on this and on the marriage. Or not. But be sure YOU are firm and knowledgeable about your next moves.

My nephew stayed overnight at my house. I invited my mother over, too. I'd bought him a small toy that day. He has SO many toys at my mother's house and gets bored with them quickly, so when I bought it earlier that day I told him this one is to keep here and, as he doesn't visit often, it'll seem special for him when he does.

My boyfriend wasn't feeling well so my mother took my nephew to her house to stay overnight. I agreed. He wanted to bring the toy with him but I reminded him of our agreement.

We don't have a lot of money to buy new toys so we want it to stay here. My mother said I was mean and should give him the toy, all in front of him, and consoled him when he started crying.

My sister doesn't want him spoiled and also to learn that people are more important than toys. Was my mom wrong to say bad things about me? Am I doing a good job with the decision I made for him?

This is about your mother-daughter relationship, not about your nephew and a toy. He's likely too young to stick to "an agreement," and didn't know why you were holding back "his" toy.

Your mother shouldn't put you down in front of the child. However, you seem to lack confidence and experience regarding handling small children, so it's not a good area to get into major conflict with her.

It's how your sister handles her son at home, 99% of the time, that influences him most, not one toy withheld over a principle he doesn't get. Your intentions were well meant, but the whole matter wasn't worth a tug-of-war against an indulgent Grandma (it's your sister's job to deal with that).

Our daughter's getting married in 2012. They've been living together for two years, have everything material that they need, love travel and adventure, and would like suggestions on how to appropriately and kindly ask for "cash/money only" for the wedding.

Is it okay to say, "we aren't registered and would appreciate cash gifts"? Somehow, to me, it comes across as being a little cold, but times have changed considerably and I think it is the most sensible gift for any couple.

Unsure

Many people resent an overt request for cash. They CAN register for travel-related gifts as one option.... including gift certificates at a travel agency, or a store that sells luggage and other travel accessories, even an electronic reader!

Cash gifts are often given these days, but most guests prefer it to be their choice. Also, people will ask you what your daughter wants, and you can respond that cash would be appreciated.