We've been married for four years - I have two sons, 15 and 17, he has one son, 15. When we met, he was going through a nasty divorce.

His son has been in and out of our lives due to his mother's interfering, and calling the police over false issues.

The boy contacted us recently, after two years. My husband ran to see him. His son wants money for driving, to start up a relationship again, and to visit every other weekend. In the past, he's caused fights, and issues with, and for, my sons.

I've always encouraged my husband to have a relationship with his son. This time I've said to see him but NOT involve my boys and me. I don't trust his son (who hates me) or his ex. I want to protect my family financially and emotionally. But my husband's already talking about having this boy back with us on weekends?

I say he needs more time to be accepted on weekends - till November, as we're having an exchange student come for three months. My husband thinks I'm being childish and hating his son.

Stressed Already

Apply those protective feelings you reserve for your own sons, to this hurt and conflicted teenager who needs his dad. Neither the post-divorce bitterness nor past upsets are the boy's fault alone.

Taking in a student - while rejecting your husband's own son - is a mean-spirited irony. Distancing yourself does show immaturity, AND selfishness.

Have his son's visits start while the student is there. It's an opportunity for you parents to create house rules that ALL the young people must follow. His son will see that he's equal to the others, not the "outsider."

You need to extend your "encouragement" beyond empty words. Give this boy the chance he deserves.

My same-sex partner of 13 years wants to stay together though I can no longer accept many of his habits. He's a workaholic who works late and then likes to stay at home, while I want more balance in life and also want to socialize with friends.

He's a clean freak while I'm more laid back, so there's always an argument over who's cleaning up and who's doing laundry, and about his wanting everything done right away.

We still care deeply for each other, but can't seem to resolve these differences; so I'm suggesting we go separate ways. But he says that since we're both 50, we should be able to "fix" our relationship. He's begged me to re-consider. What's your take on our situation?

Frustrated

You're giving up, he's hanging on, neither of you seem to have the guts to work at solutions. Your conflicts are NOT mired in stone - they're the common fare in many domestic squabbles. And 13 years of caring for each other warrants your both giving time and energy to negotiating compromises.

Start with practical moves, instead of battling emotions: He cuts back some work hours so you can go out together sometimes; you go out with friends on your own when he's busy. And both of you accept this plan rather than fight to have it all your preferred way.

So, too with cleaning: divide the chores and do as needed - not on his demand or by purposeful delay. Or, hire cleaning help and avoid the conflict.

You may need some couples' counseling to help you adapt to discussing instead of disputing, but with caring should come the will to give it a try.

I confronted my son, 17, when I could tell he'd been drinking. He said he's done so for two years, it's easy to get alcohol. I secretly found a stolen driver's licence in his wallet from an older boy at his high school, with similar looks. He's had it awhile; I know it's not borrowed.

Do I remove it from his wallet without telling him or admit I took it? I don't like invading his privacy but cannot permit his drinking and driving, especially underage.

Worried

Your responsibilities regarding his safety and criminal behaviour trump privacy issues. Confront him on the stolen ID - something he cannot excuse despite how "easy" it is to use. Then hand him facts on drunk driving - i.e., the laws, the sentences, the statistics on deaths, accidents, in juries, and liabilities.

If you suspect he's still drinking, bar him from driving your car.