My first long-term relationship is giving me headaches and undue stress. I've tried breaking up with him but I don't know what's best. The good - he's sweet, nice and caring. The bad - we were raised differently; he's having a hard time financially and moved back to his hometown to save money.

There's no end in sight to his economic hardships. I feel helpless, trapped, yet feel badly that I have no patience. I knew he wasn't rich when we met and neither was I, but now we can't do anything because of his situation. He needs money for rent and food and not for me. What should I do?

Unhappy In Chicago

The good: you understand his predicament and that he has to focus on it rather than the relationship. The bad: feeling trapped is the precursor to resentment. Follow his example and take care of you, with a break from the relationship.

It should ease your headaches and stress to know that you don't have to sit around alone feeling helpless for an unknown length of time. You can stay in touch, but it should be understood that you're both taking a needed break from the relationship.

If you miss each other terribly, you'll look at other options such as joining forces to get him through his financial problems. For now, you don't seem to be ready for that.

I'm Asian marrying into a non-Asian family and already facing racist comments and slurs at every family gathering. Meanwhile, I'm wondering how or whether to approach soon-to-be relatives about their health.

My own mother has Type II diabetes and does everything to maintain a healthy diet, weight, and lifestyle to keep worsening symptoms at bay. She tries to learn everything possible about her condition, to make adjustments to her lifestyle and diet that'll enhance her quality of life.

In my family, we cook diabetes-friendly dishes and avoid sugary foods, to not tempt Mom. Her doctor says she's doing a good job maintaining her health despite the diagnosis.

My future in-laws also have diabetes, heart problems, are overweight (bordering on obese), but aren't taking the consequences seriously. There have already been amputations, bone problems, vision problems, and increased insulin injections.

Their meal portions are huge and they drink copious amounts of "diet" soft drinks. I bring fresh veggies and healthier alternatives, but nobody touches them because they prefer their usual Italian and Spanish cuisine. I feel like I'm watching them kill themselves slowly.

No one gets informed about the disease. I think they resist change because they come from a very social food culture of abundance. I believe the whole family has to get on board, but no one's willing to walk the walk.

Should I make an effort to do something more - give them diabetes/healthy cookbooks, information pamphlets, or do nothing?

Witnessing Self-destruction

Start with your fiancé. He sees how your family's approach is helping your mom. HE should be encouraging his parents to take better care of themselves, for their whole family's sake, since susceptibility to Type II has a genetic factor, and they're now the models for their children.

If they start to listen to him, that's the time for you to be helpful. Instead of bringing reading material, start with tasty foods they can eat, and even organize cooking together from a diabetes-friendly cookbook.

As for racist slurs, it's also up to your fiancé to insist they're unacceptable, and will push you both away if continued.

Every man I've been with has cheated at least once, including the one to whom I was engaged for a year. He'd get angry when my work prevented me spending the weekend with him; he split up with me two-and-a-half months ago, then married another woman one month later. I'm 61, he's 49.

He called last weekend, wanting to meet with me to talk but warned, "Don't email me, or call, because feathers will fly with my wife"! I told him to come only to get his things. I doubt his wife even knows we were engaged.

Any new man in my life will have to live alone a long time before I even consider him as a long-term mate.

Older and Wiser

Good decision...and don't forget that YOU need a long time, too, to really know and trust someone before you let them share your home and all else.