I stayed with my husband after discovering two affairs – once, days before giving birth and the second when my father was terminally ill. Both times, I was vulnerable and preoccupied.     
      We’ve been in counselling but my love for him died. And he isn’t always nice to me. I have several close friends but no family and I’m unemployed although I hope to be working soon. It’s easy to say I should leave, but where do I start?
      - Love Has Died

Start with taking care of you and your future - create a supportive network from good friends to keep you positive. Work on any skills you need to assure getting a job and start building your sense of competence to go it alone.      
      Meanwhile, get legally informed about your rights to child support and sharing property and other assets if, and when you leave.

Feedback - Having given space to one male writer’s view of Why Men Cheat (December 11, 2009), here’s a woman’s response:      
      “I read the man's point of view; is this for real?      
      “I don't have the need to find variety with others. My husband meets those needs just fine. I believe my destiny is with him, otherwise, I wouldn't have made that COMMITMENT to him in the first place.      
      “Communication of both our needs is integral to a healthy sexual relationship.       
      “I can't see cheating has EVER being good for a relationship because it's not about just the sex, it's about the broken trust that I personally would have a hard time recapturing.       
      “My husband and I don't need to ‘check anything out.’ Isn’t that what you're supposed to do BEFORE being in a committed relationship?”
      - Satisfied AND Monogamous

After a lifetime of problems with a controlling mother, constant criticism that I never pleased her and years of feeling unloved, I got her to see a psychologist with me, in an effort to heal our relationship.      
      After he met with both of us and then with her alone, he told me she’s a classic, total narcissist, who’d NEVER change. It took a huge guilt-load off my shoulders.      
      I’d believed I was never good enough, affecting me in my adult relationships. I'm working hard to heal the wounds of emotional abuse. Mom’s older and will need care and I'm unsure how I'm going to handle this end-of-life relationship.      
      She expects that I’ll take her in and look after her, but I need my space from her. What do I do to heal myself and be strong enough to do the right things with her? I can't imagine just abandoning her.
      - Worried for Future

It’s Role Reversal when a grown child “parents” a mother or father and this time there are two different individuals involved.      
      YOU are no longer the helpless one; MOM is no longer all-powerful one. Use this changed dynamic to alter your reactions. You now know that your mother will be focused only on herself and her needs and that’s what you’ll organize, to the degree that you can.    
      Example: It may mean finding social services to provide nursing and housekeeping care, or hiring people yourself, or moving her to an assisted living facility.     
      If you decide to have her live with you, make sure you are busy outside the home, and feeling strong inside, to avoid falling into old patterns of behaviour.     
      You’d be wise to continue therapy until you have enough self-confidence to handle any of Mom’s attempts to take control, even through passive means.

My daughter met someone who hid important information from her. I discovered that he’s not for her.  She told him her parents don't agree to the marriage but she’s talking to them.      
      If they marry, it’ll outcast my family and her from my community. She’ll be isolated and the marriage won't work.  She’s depressed and we’re depressed.     
      How can my husband and I help her come out of this situation?
      - Depressing Situation

Talk openly and honestly with her, explaining your fears and the information on which they’re based. Show respect for her feelings for this person, rather than just disapproval.      
      But say that when a marriage has real problems from the outset, the romance can easily fade. Ask her to delay and take time learning more about him.    
      You should meet him, too. With less pressure, they’ll be less likely to want to prove they’re right and may both re-think their situation on their own.