I'm not a good flyer. I've only been on one vacation and both flights were horrible. On one, the plane filled with black smoke on take-off, creating panic among passengers. On the other, our plane hit another plane on the runway. It's left me with a very deep, real fear of flying.

My in-laws fly multiple times a year for vacations and work. They want to take our family on vacations, all of which require flying. Whenever we're together, they say how ridiculous my fear is.

Even my husband raises it jokingly. I don't know how to get them to understand how real my fear is. How can I get them to give me time to deal with it at my own pace?

Personal Phobia

They should respect your fear. That said, the fact that you're not showing any effort to deal with it, likely has them worried. It's not just about vacations, though their desire to share some with your family is well meant. But in today's world, it sometimes becomes necessary to travel and inconvenient to go any other way than by plane.

You're not alone. Others have this fear, and there are ways to address it, including hypnosis and behaviour modification approaches.

Insist that your husband NOT joke about it, and that he tells his parents their pushing isn't helping. Then, for your own sake as well as your family's (children will be influenced by how you handle bad/scary experiences), you need to get help.

I'm female, 70's, and fell for a same-age widower on a trip to Sweden last year. He visited me in Canada for a month, and then I visited him and stayed for six months. We travelled together, including Spain where he has a second apartment close to one of his children.

He said he has a very good woman friend there, who he had a fling with several years ago. They call each other often and when he's in Spain, they play cards or go dancing together often. He wanted me to go meet her and play cards with her. I didn't think it normal for a man to keep ex-lovers as friends, and said he should now stop seeing her, because I'm in his life.

He's Swedish, I'm Italian; perhaps our different cultural backgrounds make us disagree about staying "friends" after being lovers.

My good friend says I'm being ridiculous and controlling. He says that IF something were going on between them, my boyfriend would've sent me back to Canada before going to Spain. Also, that there's nothing extraordinary about a man and woman remaining friends after a sexual relationship has ended.

Am I being old-fashioned or is it acceptable for me to insist that he stop all contact with this woman? I'm returning to be with him for another four months, including Spain again.

Confused

It's possible to stay friends after a sexual relationship, IF you are friends. By refusing him contact with her, you show distrust and disbelief based on no evidence or suspicious behaviour, which isn't healthy for your future together.

If you love the man and want a life together (sounds like a great life, full of new experiences and adventure!), then meet the woman when in Spain, play cards, and be open to finding that they're truly just friends. In that case, you can all be friends.

However, there's no longer a need for them to go dancing, or do anything else on their own, unless she also brings a partner along.

Regarding the man with a disorder that caused his sex drive to be out of sync with that of his partner (May 2):

Reader - "My husband and I have different libido's, his is higher than mine. And recently at a friend's "Passion Party" I bought him a sex toy called a Gigi. For both of us it has been the compromise we've been looking for all these years!

"He can use it on his own or I can do the work for him, and when I'm not in the mood for sex I don't mind spending a few minutes with him and Gigi to give him satisfaction. Hopefully, this could be an asset to the man's relationship with his wife."

Thanks for sharing. It's obvious that one person's "toy" can be another's salvation, especially if the marriage is strained by lack of sex that's led to an emotional disconnect between them.