My boyfriend of one year broke up with me. I didn't see it coming. We have many same interests and goals and get along extremely well - both 30s, own our own homes, and have good jobs.

He's always had issues sleeping and suffers from nightmares. Recently, he's started having problems with some childhood friends. He immediately cut them out. He spent the night at my place last week, everything seemed fine. We had plans to go away over the weekend. He came over again and suddenly announced his friend bought him a ticket to Peru and he was leaving that week. Then he said, that I'm not The One.

He then backtracked, saying our relationship is the best he's been in, that I've never pressured him into anything. But he was worried that down the road he'd still be just "comfortable" with me.

He stayed for another three hours, just held me and we cried. He says he needs therapy (which I know he won't get). He wants to continue to talk to me, when I'm ready.

I saw a therapist because this ending has triggered things I never dealt with over the years, after my mother's death.

I don't know why I feel guilty, I know I didn't do anything wrong but wonder if I could've done something different. I wonder why I cannot find love or be loved.

Scared

You've turned this on yourself, when the immediate problem belongs to your boyfriend. His behaviour has become unpredictable for some reason. He does need therapy, and a medical check-up too, given his sleep problems, nightmares, and sudden flip-flops with people. But don't pin your hopes on that... this is not a good time to try to get back together.

More important, is your own well being. The fact this has triggered dealing with past losses is a good thing, since they've been lurking there and could otherwise surface at other times of even more important crises.

But do talk to your counselor about your misguided fears that this means you can't find love or be loved. Nothing of the sort. You loved this guy unconditionally, as one should. His insecurities/problems emerged, and, unwilling to face them, he's running from himself, not you.

My ex-husband is getting married again. He's a prize- winning cheater. As much as there's (admittedly) a small pang of retribution here, I feel worse for the woman he's marrying.

I'm not going to say anything because my children would turn against me, but is there a responsibility to somehow let someone know that they're getting involved with a cheater?

Or, because we are adults, we should simply have our eyes open and know better? According to people I know, my ex is the best relationship this woman has had, so she truly is naive.

Just Wondering

Imagine the story, from his telling: Oh yeah, my ex is so bitter she wants to break us up, she never got over me, she's after me all the time. Ignore anything she says, and we'll change your phone number and email.

C'mon, if this is the best she's had, is she going to believe you? Or will you stir up huge trouble because no matter how you try to do this anonymously, your ex will suspect you, and your kids will hear about it.

Yes, we're all adults. And believe it or not, some cheaters do change for another person. Or not. It's no longer your business.

FEEDBACK Regarding the question about a grown son who "couldn't get" a credit card of his own, though he has a job (May 26):

Reader - "If you have money, you should be able to get a credit card no matter how bad your credit is. You go to the financial institution that you want to get the card from and deposit money to serve as security for the credit card.

"You then get a card with a credit limit of the amount of money you deposited as security. Obviously this is useless as a means of borrowing money, but it's great if you need a card for things like booking hotel rooms (for his job, as his parent described)."

Your point is important as sometimes parents stay in denial and accept "excuses," even from adult children who've gotten away with avoiding responsibilities.

The message from this - do the research.