My boss has been dropping strange hints to me recently and I’m not sure what to make of them. I can’t tell if he’s giving me ideas for what he’d like me to get him as a gift, or what he’s getting me as a gift, or what …. it’s all very cryptic.

I don’t want to ask anyone in the office about it because I fear they’ll take everything out of context and then rumours will start to swirl.

My boss and I are both single; I’m recently divorced and he and his girlfriend broke up around the same time. It came up innocently in conversation one day and we’ve been commiserating. We’re friendly in the office outside of work talk, and we’ve chatted on the phone a few times outside of office hours.

I like him as a boss and a person but haven’t thought of him in any other context. I’m not sure how he feels.

I don’t really know what to do here.

Bossing Me

Your question is cryptic for me. What are you asking? I can’t possibly know what your boss is hinting at if I have no idea what words he’s using. I do agree that you shouldn’t ask around because, as you mentioned, things can get misconstrued way too easily.

If you speak to your boss outside of the office, why not just ask him? Preface by saying that you’re not sure what he means because you’re not good at these types of social clues. There are just way too many options here for me to even hazard to guess what’s going on.

Just be true to yourself.

I cheated on my wife. I made choices. This was not an accident or a mistake. When presented with an opportunity, I took it, and I didn't care about the impact on my wife and children.

I deeply hurt her and negatively changed my now ex-wife. For my children, my relationship with them has forever changed. My son has not, and will not, forgive or forget what I did.

Thankfully, my ex-wife has been able to move on and find happiness with someone else. But I know that what I did has changed her forever.

I can’t say that I wouldn’t do it if the opportunity arose again, even knowing what I know. That’s on me. And I am so happy that my wife left and didn’t stay with a cheating husband.

I would tell any woman who asks to run as fast as she can away from a cheating partner. We who cheat, men and women alike, have the problem – no matter what is transpiring in their relationship.

As I said, I am sorry for hurting my wife, and for subsequently losing my son. But I’m not sorry for cheating. Why?

Once a cheater…

This is a great question! You clearly have a lot of work to do on yourself. You obviously have some conscience, or you wouldn’t care. It’s great that you’re asking because it shows that you have a desire to learn more about yourself.

If you believe in therapy, a therapist can help guide you through in-depth exploration and self-awareness, to ask yourself the questions you need to think about. Only YOU can answer that question. And you answer it by looking deeply into your own morals and understanding your value system.

Many therapists believe that cheating is a symptom of problems in a marriage, and that many couples can recover from one spouse’s cheating. Not all cheaters are bad people. And I’m not sure I agree with your sign off that once a cheater, always a cheater. You can change if you really want to.

FEEDBACK Regarding the odiferous family (Sept. 9):

Reader – “I've been thinking about the family with the rather ‘odiferous’ adults and children. I know it's quite common for people who are extremely stressed or depressed, to forget to bathe properly. For the adults to stop bathing themselves and their children, might be a cry for help which they haven't been able to articulate. Perhaps inviting the adults over for coffee/drink, might help their concerned family members find out what is going on with them.”

FEEDBACK Regarding the lack of text response (Sept. 12):

Reader – “This letter set off alarm bells immediately. Some people in a new relationship are subject to controlling behaviour by the partner. In this case, she genuinely may not have received the text messages as her partner may be reading and deleting them without her knowledge. This is common practise by narcissists who isolate and control.

“The writer may wish to try reaching out in person to check her friend is okay.”