My friend raises money for the cancer society by continually asking friends to support his walks, relays etc. While I agree that it’s a worthy cause, I have other friends and charities I want to support.
I recently replied to his second request with what I feel was a gracious explanation: “You got all my cancer money last month. Good luck with your fund-raising.” He’s now upset with me, and has voiced his opinion about his other friends who didn’t sponsor him.
I feel a little guilty, but there’s only so much I can give. Did I say the wrong thing?

- Cause or Friendship?

Be proud and positive about your own charitable nature, as well as his. Cancer and many other causes should concern all of us, so the worst thing that can happen is when social and financial pressure causes people to turn off their willingness to give at all.
Decide your own charity budget, prioritize your causes, and proceed from there.
While it’s important to support friends’ initiatives, the friendship should not depend on it. You did say the right thing. Discuss this again, when he’s not asking directly - explain that you care about the cause and about him, that you’re happy to give what you can, but that those decisions on amounts are yours, not his.
(Note: He’s likely had a personal connection to someone with cancer, which makes him sensitive on the topic.)

I’m 48; my two older brothers, two younger sisters and I all survived an abusive childhood and “found” each other 20 years ago, through reunions and constant emails.
Eighteen months ago, my 10-year marriage with an emotionally abusive man, ended. My life spiraled out of control: I tried to make it on my own, was assaulted at work, lived in a shelter, was brutally raped.
My siblings are all successful and secure.
I didn’t share a lot of my experiences (too depressed; fear of freaking them). I’m now in counselling, enrolled in college, and moving. So I sent everyone an email apologizing for not keeping in touch, that things had been rough but were looking up and I loved them dearly. Little or no response. Some thought I wanted money, though I’d only asked once (and was turned down).
Have I idealized them too much? Do they just need their own boundaries? I want them to be proud of how I’ve survived this experience, not see me as a needy screw-up.
How do I accept my aloneness?

- Hearbroken

Your siblings, like you, had a harsh beginning; building boundaries, avoiding being dragged down, was a survival strategy; the closeness you developed as adults reinforced each other’s achievements. But your troubles clearly reminded them of the past.
It’s hurtful, but doesn’t have to be a final break. Write again, as you progress, and stay upbeat. Remember, your most important relationship is with yourself, so stay on course and confident of success, no matter their response or coldness.
If, ultimately, they don’t come around, then it’s clear they’re far less emotionally healthy than you thought.
Meanwhile, your emergence from this trial by fire will strengthen you for the rest of your life.

My new daughter-in-law is a vegetarian. Do I have to make special meals for her, or should she bring her own?

- Put Off

Is this about food, or your relationship? It’s not hard to cook extra vegetables, rice, etc. Or ask her to cook some of her recipes with you, and get to know her better.

I’m in university, my boyfriend of 18 months is Irish, and I’m South Asian.
His family’s been welcoming; my mother insists we’re “just friends,” though her own parents and siblings accept him as my boyfriend. She cites cultural differences, her reputation, “morals and values”...
My boyfriend isn’t rude or immature. She’s acting as if he’s unimportant.
How can I show her this is really hurting me? I’ve tried to talk to her about it but she brushes it off or thinks I’m joking.

- Not Joking

Mom isn’t joking either. She’s worried about potential problems in a cross-cultural relationship, so she tries to dismiss it this way. Address her “issues”… e.g. how you and your guy see your relationship for the future, how you’ll handle cultural differences, your common views on “moral and values,” etc.
Tell her you both need a real Mother-Daughter adult conversation about your relationship, or she’ll miss an important chance.