Years ago, I knew motherhood wasn’t for me. Luckily, I found a partner who felt fatherhood wasn’t for him. Together, we’ve made a wonderful life.
I’ve always worked from home; and through Covid he has too. We’re good.
My problem is with my two best friends, who are no longer my besties.
One got married when in our mid-twenties. We all knew it wouldn’t last, but she was blinded by love and money. They had a daughter; he proceeded to cheat. She found out, but he bought her loyalty and promised it wouldn’t happen again. They had another child; he had another affair. She visited a lawyer.
Now she’s a single mom, with lots of money, but no time for herself. Her kids are her life; her career is secondary. She has no time for me.
The other friend also has two kids, one with special needs. She’s married but her husband is a workaholic, with two jobs to pay for all the extras needed. And she had to put her career aside in order to spend all of her time with her children. She has less than no time for me.
I’ve tried everything to spend time with these women – and their children! I’ve offered to come over with a meal; to take one kid out to do something fun with “Auntie”; to join my single friend on vacation so she could actually get some time to herself.
All offers graciously declined.
What more can I do? I miss my friends!
You’ve done all the right things, and I’m impressed with your resourcefulness. But for whatever reasons, these women don’t see you as an ally at this point in their lives. Maybe they feel they’d have to entertain you; maybe they worry you’ll judge. I don’t know.
What I do know is that you need to find new friends to hang out with now.
If you’re up for it, write each a letter, saying how much you miss them, how you’d love to get to know their children better, and be more involved in their lives any way they see possible.
Hopefully, they’ll respond positively.
My boyfriend is miserable and I don’t know what to do. We started living together shortly before Covid, and it was fantastic! We’d wake up happy, grab coffee on our way to work, and then go our separate ways. We’d text during the day – sweet nothings and evening plans. Then we’d meet at home, maybe have dinner with friends, or a cozy night in. It was great!
When Covid started and we found ourselves together 24/7, we had a few mishaps, a few arguments, but we’ve managed to find our path together, while carving out time alone. It’s not ideal, but it’s working.
So, it’s not me or our relationship that’s causing my boyfriend distress. And it’s not work either because he just got a promotion and makes a very decent living. He’s fit and works out, and has a healthy relationship with his parents and sibs.
So, I can’t figure out what’s bothering him, or how to help.
Blue Man’s Girl
You’ve painted a solid picture of a healthy, happy, upwardly mobile young man. And I can only assume you’ve actually asked him what’s bothering him.
In my non-medical opinion, your next step should be to get him to a doctor for some basic tests to see if there’s anything going on that neither of you could know otherwise.
At the same time, if he’s open to it, perhaps he should have a chat with a therapist to see if he/she can try to find the origin of unhappiness settling within your man.
Hopefully, between those two experts, something will be uncovered.
Reader’s Commentary “I’m sick to death of Covid. But I also know I’m not the only one who feels this way. And I also know that I’m fortunate under the circumstances.
“I have to be a cheerleader for my family because they need my strength. And when I feel blue, I have people to lean on who will bolster me and refuel me and give me the strength to continue supporting my family.
“It’s the New Year, people. Be patient and kind. Everyone is suffering.”
Ellie – Thank you for that. I agree. We are all suffering in our own way, and there’s no sense in comparing. If you can help someone else, do so. When you need help, ask for it. We have to all be here for each other.
Tip of the day:
Some friendships don’t last the test of time.