My boyfriend of three years lives in a tiny rural village. 

I live in the city, but the distance isn’t the problem - his friends are. They’re all incredibly close and connect yet when I’m there, I’m excluded.

And my main worry is Her. She’s his best friend, though they’re total opposites. They’ve known each other all their lives. They’ve had birthdays together as he’s one day older, they’ve been described as a package deal.

The attraction between them is mutual and obvious though they’ve never acted on it.

She keeps her distance when I’m around.

Recently, we talked about him moving to the city. He was leaning to a Yes.

Last week he told me that he couldn’t leave his village.

As I left, his friends and other people were looking smug. When I drove past, she was with him and it looked like they were holding hands.

I love him. What do I do?

Am I scared for no reason?

- City girl

You’ve reached the turning point in this relationship; he knows what he has in you and what he’ll be missing if he lets you go. Three years is long enough for you to invest in a visitor’s pass into his “excluding” world. 

Tell him you’ve chosen him, but not Her, so if he wants to have a future with you, you two have to be accepted as a couple wherever you are. He has to talk to his friends about being committed to you; also, his friendship with another female has to become a family friendship, with you two as the primary pair.

When you talk again of village versus city, it should be with compromise in mind… e.g. he visits you as often, and perhaps you’ll one day have a cottage in his village.

But if he’s not ready for commitment, break it off.

When my wife was pregnant, she saw a male doctor. 

After the child was born, she called the police to have me removed from my house, then filed for divorce and a year later, married the doctor.

I never missed support payments but only got the children once or twice yearly. She’d also take the children away, annually, for up to a month.

In 2003, I was given court papers for her husband to adopt my children and for me to give her $400 a month. I declined but two years later, pressured from paying twice that, not seeing my children, and living in a shared basement apartment (they’re in a $2 million house), I signed.

Then, they requested a restraining order and the doctor wrote that he fears I’d harm his wife.

I can’t sleep, don’t eat properly and can’t work.

My credit is ruined and I have no motivation.

- Lost

You’ve had a tough time and are understandably depressed, but with professional help, you can turn your life around. 

One day your grown children will want to see you, and you want to be healthy and capable of becoming a presence in their lives, when that happens. See your family doctor about your symptoms.

Do NOT focus on who’s to blame, but on how to get feeling better and back to working with a purpose. Be open to getting counselling and also taking medication to help you sleep, and eat normally.

When you’re functioning improves, see a credit counsellor to organize your finances. Concentrating on fitness and work will keep you active and boost your motivation.

During my son’s wedding preparations, our names weren’t even on the invitation. When asked why, the bride’s mother furiously walked out with our grandson. She fought with everyone in my family. 

I decided not to attend the wedding. My husband chose to attend to support our son.

My son and his wife are still not talking to us, though I’ve apologized.

- Fixable?

You crossed the line… albeit, with cause; it’ll be hard to repair the rift. Write your son and his wife a note of further apology, saying you realize that you made the wrong choice and feel terribly about it. 

Do NOT go over the problems of the wedding, nor comment on her (obviously difficult) mother. Tell them that you greatly desire to be part of your grandchildren’s lives, and that children learn a poor example when family members don’t speak.

Send holiday cards and birthday gifts, and keep trying.