I’m 38, my boyfriend’s 29; we’ve been living together for nine months. 

He has a wife; their son, 2, spends Sundays with us. The wife hates me and thinks I’m competing for her son’s attention. He’s 2, and loves to be around me. But, when I discipline him, I sometimes hear crude words hurled against me.

We don’t use that word at home. I suspect that the mother’s trying to brainwash him. I just pretend I didn’t hear. However, what if the mother teaches her son to hate me? I love the kid.

I haven’t discussed this worry with my boyfriend. How can we make sure this won’t become a problem when the boy’s older?

My boyfriend isn’t yet working on an annulment from his wife because he has no money. Annulment in the Philippines is very expensive and my boyfriend works as an on-call messenger. He can’t find a better-paying job because he hasn’t graduated from high school.

We talked about me helping him out with the annulment costs. Is this okay?

- Concerned

There’s been much haste and little pre-planning by you two: He left his wife with a toddler, can’t afford a clean break (nor much support?) and already moved in with you. Little wonder his wife is upset! And, no surprise that she’d let her child know it. 

The best you can do for this youngster is try to avoid conflicts with his mom, never badmouth her, and if, at all possible, try to have some decent communication with her.

Example: it might help to say she’s doing a great job raising her son and you hope she’ll sometimes alert you to things you need to know when he’s coming on Sunday. If she’s totally resistant, stay clear and let the boy’s father handle all exchanges.

As for the annulment costs, be absolutely sure that you and he have a firm, long-term commitment as a couple, before you consider paying. And have him write you a promissory note – this is something that truly is his personal responsibility, if he can ever afford to pay you back.

You’d be making a better investment in your future together, if you helped finance his going back to school.

I’ve worked for my best friend for five years - incredibly involved in her business and her life. We’ve vacationed together, experienced terrible and great things together. I made personal sacrifices to stand by her. 

In November, she got upset with me about something, and stopped speaking to me. We both detest confrontation, so I sent her an email asking what she was upset about, and apologizing up and down. I got nothing in return.

She began speaking to me again, but it’s much different - I only have a basic knowledge of what’s going on in her life and her business.

Since I don’t have a real relationship with my own family, she and her family had “adopted" me. I can’t even think about losing those important relationships.

Should I give her more time, or just accept that this is always going to be the way it is?

- Lost Friend

Like you, I’m guessing - perhaps you got too “incredibly involved” in her life and business. 

Try once more to learn the source of the problem, but don’t push. Apologize again, and then carry on.

Whatever her reason, it’s clear she needs and wants distance for a while, maybe even for a long time.

If the situation becomes unbearable, you might have to consider looking for another job.

I’m 24, have never had a girlfriend and yearn for one. It’s affecting my daily life. 

I stay active through the gym, and sports, but the depression returns.

I’m a recent university graduate supposed to be striving for success, yet losing that energy.

Recently, I met a girl, and we hit it off, but then she told me she had a boyfriend. I’m losing hope, and don’t know what to do.

- Lost

You’re at a crossroads – no longer a student, feeling pressed by the “should-have” expectations of a career, and romance. It’s normal to find this transition phase daunting, but if your depression persists, it’s counter-productive to achieving either goal, and you’ll need professional help to overcome it. 

Do NOT perceive every unavailable girl as rejecting you. That’ll be the depression talking. A therapist can help you probe why you’re experiencing depressions, and what can best help you move forward.