I have a great relationship with my boyfriend of two years. It was rocky for a few months, but we both made some changes and are very happy together.
I've been spending time with a friend whom I've known for six years, and am developing heavy feelings for him.
I think about him all the time. He makes me smile, laugh, and I have a strong sexual attraction to him.
We can talk about deeper topics, but he also wishes to live life to the fullest, just as I do (my boyfriend is much more cautious).
I love my boyfriend, but I can't stop thinking about this guy! I'm approaching some big life changes, getting my first house. My boyfriend seems quick to settle down, which only makes me desire this other man more.
My boyfriend is my first serious relationship, but I'm not his first (he's older), and I'm worried that we may be at different stages, whereas this new guy is going through much the same life phases as me.
Falling In and Out of Love
Get honest with yourself. You can’t be having a “great relationship” and also be thinking of switching partners.
You’re clearly worried about “settling” too soon, and blaming your boyfriend for this possibility.
Have you told him you’re hesitant about this big step of buying a house, or that you need more of a sense of living life to the fullest?
Or, are you letting this other guy convince you that you’re missing some excitement?
It’s not necessary to be at the exact same stage in life with a partner, if you can compromise and balance each other in some of your choices.
But it is necessary to focus on one partner at a time. You’re either with your boyfriend, emotionally, or you’re not.
My son was killed in a car accident 18 months ago, at 29. I was a single mom and he was the light of my life.
I've married a man I met four years ago. He has a daughter, 44, with whom I’m not close.
It’s obvious that she doesn't respect me and says things to me that have been very hurtful. She would say that I'm too sensitive and need thicker skin – and I would say that she’s mean and insensitive.
On Mothers Day –a very difficult day for me – she chose to post a photo of herself as a young child with her mom and dad, on my personal Facebook page, and wish me a Happy Mother's Day.
I said nothing, but I deleted the post. She told her father she was doing something thoughtful.
Need Help on This One
I’m sorry for your loss and yes, you are naturally sensitive, especially on occasions such as Mother’s Day. It’d be hard for anyone not close to you and caring to say something that was truly soothing and thoughtful.
Perhaps she intended a nice message that you’re part of her family, too. Perhaps not. When you don’t feel respected to begin with, things get interpreted negatively.
Losing your son is a blow that will re-surface on other occasions too, which you already must know. Accept that most people don’t know how to handle others’ grief, especially as time goes by.
Hold onto your memories, be civil, and try to be respectful of her, as your husband’s daughter, and hopefully the relationship will improve.
But, unless she does something purposefully mean, don’t involve your husband. She’s responsible for her own actions.
My dad was an engineer, but when he emigrated here, he could only get a manual labor job, which he hates (language barrier).
He’s still in an unhappy marriage with my mom. When happy, he's a wonderful caring person. When something doesn't go his way, he becomes hostile and cruel.
He ignores problems, and has no friends as he finds fault within everyone except himself.
When I was nine, he told me he was miserable and he should just kill himself. He grew up in a toxic family.
I suggested counseling, but he’s culturally very uncomfortable with this topic.
He is an intelligent person with so much potential.
What To Do?
Tell him you want to avoid becoming critical and unhappy like him, so you need to go to counselling together. Make an appointment after researching for a decent fit (see my guide, Find a Therapist at www.ellieadvice.com).
Go with him until he’s comfortable to have individual appointments.
Tip of the day:
You’re either with the partner you’ve got, or not.