I’m 52, my husband of 22 years and I are co-owners of a successful business and have two teenage daughters. Three months ago I hired a female employee; my husband’s work hours became extremely long.
I asked him to fire her, but he refused. Eventually, I caught him red-handed checking into a hotel with her. I fired her. We’re now contemplating a separation or divorce. He said he ended the affair, but his many lies plus phone calls to her prove otherwise.
I still love him but he’s changed into a totally different person. Should I give him a second chance or should I just get out of the picture?
He says I deserve nothing, even though I worked full time in the company for 21 years. And who should get custody of the children? He’s gone on a trip for 10 days, leaving me with the business, 30 employees, and my 14-year-old. The older girl started university. Should I still work or call that quits too?
- Tired of Lies

You’re contemplating too many changes at once, creating more stress and confusion for yourself when you most need to make sound decisions.
Only you can decide about giving a second chance … your love for him and your two kids are logical reasons for it. However, if you’re positive that he’s still involved with her – and not just calling her as part of winding down – then you both have to agree on going forward honestly, with no contact between them, and you two getting marital therapy to rebuild trust. If he rejects that plan, the relationship is still at risk.
Meanwhile, you need to know your legal rights with regard to the business. It’s hard to continue loving someone who insists you “deserve nothing” for your years of work. Even if you stay together, you now need legal confirmation of your partnership in the business.
Do NOT stop work now; do not raise this matter as a threat. But do see a lawyer to find out where you stand, for future security … and only when needed.

I’m having trouble with my so-called mother-in-law.  Ever since my boyfriend and I started dating four years ago, she’s had nothing nice to say about me. After six months, she told me he didn’t like me, I was wasting my time.  
Two years later, I was helping my boyfriend out by depositing cheques at my bank into his account; she accused me of stealing his money. I love him. I don't like putting him between us, but she always has to do something to control her son, or try to manipulate him.
I try to tell him about what she s doing, but when I do, I look like the bad one. The friction is coming between my boyfriend and me. But I have to be part of his family too.
- What To Do?

Boyfriend has to be on your team, or your relationship will worsen over time, especially if you plan to marry and his mother goes into interfering overdrive.
Instead of reporting on her meddling, decide together beforehand how to handle her in future. Without casting blame, state that you want harmony with his family.
Consider: 1) Both of you agree on how much information you share with his Mom; 2) Set boundaries, e.g. how often you’ll visit her, etc; 3) He tells Mom he wants her in his life, but you are his life partner; 4) There needs to be mutual respect and acceptance.

My boyfriend of one year got hired in California so I moved from Canada as a tourist until I get a job and a visa. I’m 25, have a graduate degree, academic awards and honours, but most job applications ask whether I’m currently legally allowed to work here, which I’m not.
My boyfriend, 29, says it’s too soon for us to marry so that I can get a work permit. I know he wants to marry me eventually.
- Any Advice?

Talk to an immigration consultant to get an idea of how long you’re likely to have to wait. Also, look into jobs for which you’re most highly qualified, as some companies will help a desired prospective employee obtain their work permit.
If no luck, you and your boyfriend need to resolve this together - marry, or you leave and apply for a visa from home, or he returns with you.