My husband’s not speaking to his only brother over something said last year. His brother has no idea what this was; my husband hasn’t addressed the issue with him. He shuts people out of his life who wrong him in any way. He also does this with me sometimes.      
      I don’t think this pattern of silencing people you love is healthy, or a good thing to teach our children (they’ve not seen their uncle or cousins for nearly a year). My husband’s very stubborn and won't make the first move.
      Should I intervene? Their parents have allowed this behaviour since childhood.
      - Your Advice?

Hubby’s been retreating behind silent “temper tantrums” because he’s never learned to express or be comfortable with his emotions when angry.     
      Do NOT intervene, it will make you the enemy in his war against letting feelings out. Reach out to him in his role as a father, about both of you wanting to raise kids who can handle situations at school and with friends.   
      His example only teaches them to cut and run from problems and people. Someday, it could be an important education path that they reject … or their Dad whom they turn off.    
      Suggest counselling as a teaching tool to learn other strategies that’ll help within your own family. Eventually, he may also want to re-connect with his brother.

My overbearing sister-in-law doesn’t listen to requests to allow me to bond with my recently adopted daughter at family get-togethers. My husband and I explained that we want her to interact with others but need to always be the ones to comfort and take care of her.         
      Recently, my daughter’s taken to her aunt because she’ll do EVERYTHING for her, even introduce her to strangers (which I’d like to do), and comfort her if she’s upset. She once told me, "you relax" so it appeared she was giving me a break!        
      She has three grown children; before we adopted she alerted me that I’d have issues with bonding and attachment. So she’s not ignorant about these, she’s just decided that she’ll do what she wants no matter what I say.     
      Previously, my husband talked to her and she backed off later, but I’m unsure if just because she was tired.  Her sister’s friendly with my daughter, but she doesn’t try to overpower me.     
      I want my daughter to know her aunts but they need to back off if it appears my daughter’s rejecting me for them.  Any suggestions what to do?
      - Angry at Her

I get the impression that when you hear the expression, “It takes a village to raise a child,” you think, “But not my sister-in-law’s village!” The discomfort and competition you feel is about YOUR relationship with her, not your daughter’s, and I’m betting it was present long before the adoption.    
      If you are truly having difficulty bonding with your daughter, try to avoid going where anyone makes you feel insecure as a new mother … for a while. And if you truly feel this woman’s only intent is to undermine you, speak up or distance yourself from the gatherings … for a while. Meanwhile, through your adoption agency, join a support group where attachment methods are discussed.     
      The vast majority of your child’s time is spent with you, not her aunt. And the normal benefit of extended family IS to take some pressure off parents and show children love from a close, caring group.   
      The negative vibe that you feel about this woman’s help is what can give your daughter a mixed message.

How can I proceed with my divorce without the intervention of a lawyer? We’re avoiding a lawyer as we don't want him/her to make money from us. However, I’ll still require a legal person or body to mediate, at a nominal fee, an amicable settlement with my wife.
      - Preparing Ahead

The family court system in your jurisdiction can advise you where and how to obtain mediation services. Also, your area’s professional law association or a legal aid clinic will be able to direct you to mediators.    
      Staying “amicable” throughout divorce proceedings requires both of you to agree, if there are children of the union, on putting their interests first, to recognize and accept a fair distribution of joint assets, plus reasonable support for the children’s physical and educational needs.        
      You’d be wise to start discussing this division of responsibilities for children, property and support, in order to expedite the mediation process.