My wife is very disorganized - she takes receipts, important papers, or amounts of time searching through these piles for things. I’ve given her files, file cabinet drawers, but nothing works. 

I’m trying to accept this is the way she is, since anytime I’ve told her how much the mess bothers me, she gets incredibly defensive and we end up in a serious fight which never gets resolved. But lately when she can’t find something (often), she’ll blame me, saying that I threw it out. It’s usually things that I’ve never even seen.

I do occasionally throw out papers that are old and unnecessary, but never throw out anything needed. How do you recommend dealing with this?

- Disorganized Disaster

This clutter habit has swamped her; your pressure only makes her feel worse. 

Take on the paper-related tasks, such as paying the bills; she only has to put them all, plus receipts, on your desk, for you to file.

Set up a bulletin board with tacks ready, in her most frequented place (kitchen, entrance area, perhaps) and have her stick notes and pieces of information there, where you can see, and organize them yourself.

Look also at your wife’s schedule: if she’s a working mom, involved with many deadlines, chores, errands, etc., she may be so overwhelmed that the clutter is a symptom crying for help. Talk to her about this - paring down her timetable may go a long way toward cutting back on the paper mess.

Note, too, that many psychologists believe that “hoarding” (as in keeping all paper items) is a subtype of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), or a variant of attention deficit disorder (ADD). It means that people have difficulty with decision-making, procrastination, and focusing on tasks long enough to organize.

If you suspect this is a factor, suggest (with caring, NOT blame) that she see a behaviour specialist. Medication and treatment can help, if she’s willing.

I met my long-distance boyfriend (two years) through work after he became legally separated; his divorce should be through by fall. He has a child, so I’ll move there (trans-Atlantic) but he’s unsure when he’ll be prepared for this. 

Though he’s met my friends and family, and we have constant communication, he’s not ready to have me in his life. We both want to do this responsibly; his ex-wife and child don’t know about me yet.

I don’t doubt him, but I’m scared that I’m putting my life on hold too long.

I’d like to launch my own business and feel I should go ahead.

I don’t want to pressure him, nor impose my agenda, but I’m struggling with the interim.

- Torn by Timing

Start your business. It’s important not to live in limbo, reliant on the ups and downs of what’s happening thousands of miles away and out of your control. 

It may take a long while before he feels his ex can deal reasonably with having another woman involved with their child, and for the youngster to adjust. (Some of your communication should be about his starting to introduce the topic, after his divorce, and preparing his child).

Meanwhile, you’ll have a positive, busy focus on developing your business. You may even find there are aspects of it that can be transported, when you move, which will be valuable towards your having some independence when you do get together.

I’m 14, and my best friend since childhood has a new friend who lives closer, and we’re seeing each other less. 

I know she can have other friends but she shouldn’t forget about me. When I told her how I feel, she just said “whatever,” like she didn’t even care.

Should I still be friends with her?

- Forgotten

It’s normal for both of you to expand your friendship circles during your teenage years; you, too, should be using your freer time to join some activities and/or volunteer, where you’ll make new friends. 

But the feelings of longtime, close confidantes still matter.

Suggest that you join her and her friend for an outing, or try to arrange a specific get-together for just you two.

If she’s still brushing you off, take a break from this friendship. She needs more growing up before she can be trusted as anyone’s best friend.