Many, many years ago, when I was a teenager, I fell in love with my older sister’s college roommate. I was 16 and she was 18. My crush was unrequited since I was just an awkward teenage boy, and they went to a school in another city. I think I only met her on two or three occasions, but each time, my crush became stronger.

I turned 18 in the summer and finally, my sister invited me to come down for homecoming weekend. She was still living with the same roommate. The weekend was debaucherous, and we ended up in bed together one night. She was my first and because I was so enamoured, she was fantastic.

We got together a few times that year, and over the summer, but then I started university elsewhere and the whole relationship amicably fizzled. We didn’t see each other for decades. I heard she married and has children. I’m also married with children. And neither of us live in our hometown anymore.

We recently bumped into each other and have discovered that she lives near to where my parents vacation, and she has invited me and my family over for lunch when we are in the area next month.

My wife knows of this woman, and that we briefly dated in my late teens. She does NOT know that this woman was my first. Do I need to tell her before we go? And if I do, will she be uncomfortable and refuse to go over?

First crush

The answer to both questions completely depends on what kind of relationship you have with your wife. Is it one where you have discussed past sexual partners? Have you discussed ex-lovers in detail? Or are you more private with your past?

If you’re open but haven’t ever discussed your first “experience,” then now probably isn’t the time. If your wife already knows, then no need to bring it up again. And if you’re private about that stuff, then definitely don’t mention it. I don’t think it’s pertinent information.

If she already knows – or you choose to tell her – her response will COMPLETELY depend on how confident she is in your relationship/marriage at that exact moment. And, also, if she is in any way a jealous person.

I would ask your wife if she’s uncomfortable going to this woman’s home for lunch, for any reason. If she says yes, don’t go. Full stop.

My husband has just been offered an opportunity to move to another country for work. We both love travel and adventure and have always dreamed of living abroad for a year or two, if possible. The timing is great as we don’t have children yet, and my contract is up about a month before his new job would start.

I’m all over this opportunity, but for some reason, my husband is dragging his heels. I’ve asked why he isn’t jumping at the chance and he’s not expressing himself clearly. I love him and want to hear him out, but I really want to go.

What do I do?

Let’s Move!

Your husband owes it to both of you to be honest with his trepidation. I love a good list, so sitting down with pen and paper and writing out the pros and cons is a great way to compare and contrast. And your pros might be his cons and vice versa. That’s OK. You just need to talk it through openly and honestly.

I’m with you – I love a good adventure! And without the added complication of children, now does seem like the perfect time to make this temporary move. Talk it out. If he’s still not being open, you may need a third-party to help.

FEEDBACK Regarding the father, the birthday and the steak (July 4):

Reader #1 – “Cognitive testing for the father doesn't seem like appropriate advice. There's clearly something else going on between them if she walked out once and had a blow up another, all over the restaurant choice. After all, steak houses do have vegetarian options. Many of us would be thrilled if a parent invited us out for a birthday dinner. It's their special day too.

“Perhaps her father just wants to be somewhere familiar and with meat options. Perhaps cost is an issue if the daughter likes modern restaurants with expensive drinks and meals. Perhaps he's just curmudgeonly. It's not even clear she asked him why this was so important to him. It all seemed to be about her.”

A regular reader

Reader #2 – “Brilliant response on every level. I am 79 and have cognitive issues.”