I’m done with my fiancee’s decision to maintain contact with two married men with whom she’s shared intimate thoughts. 

Last year, one of them told her that he was in love with her. She was upset because my suspicions about him were correct. She emailed both guys saying that it was time to focus on her relationship with me.

Six months later, I learned this person was now divorced and she was back in contact with both men.

Her position is, as long as she doesn’t feel the same way about them, there should be no problems.

We’re having a child in April.

I want to contact these guys and tell them to stop communicating with her.

She says she’s old enough (39) to do whatever she wants, as long as it doesn’t affect our relationship. She expressed the enjoyment she gets from talking to them.

I don’t want to leave her, but I cannot continue sharing her with other men.

I trust her, but it’s them I don’t trust!

- Almost out the Door!

If you’d really leave over this debate – even with a baby due – it’s not surprising that she feels you’re trying to control her, and that she’s holding onto these guys just to prove she can. 

It’s called a power struggle, and frankly, it doesn’t hold much promise for you two to agree and/or compromise on more important matters, such as child-rearing.

You’re correct that she should cool these friendships with 1) a married man and 2) a guy who’s interested in her - especially when she knows it upsets you.

However, it’s not correct for you to contact them. You need to state clearly to her that the situation IS affecting your relationship because it’s made her insensitive to your feelings. Then back off.

She’ll soon be busy with a new baby. If she finds time for these two guys after that, you’ll both be correct to question your future together.

I’m in love with a man who’s been separated for seven years. Their relationship broke up when he fathered a child outside of their marriage. He’s responsible for the child but sometimes has bad relations with the child's mother. 

We’ve been very close for a year.

He says he loves me every day.

When we started dating I told him to make a decision about us within a year. Now he's asking for more time - just a couple of months. But I fear he’ll just keep asking this.

Should I use the additional time to start distancing myself from the relationship? Or should I hang in there?

He says he needs to really think about the financial consequences of getting a divorce but that he knows he won’t be happy in life without me.

- Indecisive

When a man is weighing a lifetime of happiness with you against sharing some of his assets with his estranged wife, I say, tell him to keep his money, as you walk away. 

He knew what dating you this long meant, and what you’d want, but he’s toyed with your feelings since he thinks he can stretch this out to save his finances for longer.

Yes, divorce is costly. So is living in limbo emotionally costly to you, and in my books that matters more.

So, if you’re willing to give him more time, set a firm deadline. But if your instinct tells you to start distancing yourself, then end the relationship now.

I’ve been in a long-term relationship with a man 11 years my senior. 

My family doesn’t like him, and his family doesn’t like me.

Our relationship is very complicated; we have communication and trust issues, and are both stubborn so neither one gives up when arguing. When we fight, he says some harsh things, then blames me.

There’s even been some physical altercations.

I feel unappreciated and have lost self-confidence.

Should I leave?

- Torn

Run. You haven’t even mentioned any love between you; instead, all the negatives about him and the relationship are what’s top of your mind.  

This is a case where both your families appear to see more clearly than either of you, that you’re a volatile, unhealthy mix.

“Some physical altercations” is a soft euphemism for what should be a clanging alarm: Get going before you harm each other more than you already have, both emotionally and physically.