I’m 49, separated for five years. I started seeing someone two years ago and fell head over heels.

We started just talking on the phone, and I did say that sex wasn’t important to me because I hated having it with my ex.

But that was because I didn’t love him for the last years of our marriage.

It turns out this man has erectile dysfunction (ED) so we don’t have sex. He apparently believes that if he touches me, I’ll want more, which he can’t give me.

He has no problem getting oral sex from me, although he says he feels guilty.

Also, he works all the time including weekends. Mostly, I only see him on Saturday nights after work. He’ll spend the night, with no touching other than a quick kiss.

I’ve told him that I just want the touching and the intimacy. I feel like I have the plague.

I’ve never been to his place. He says he’s ashamed because he lives on his friend’s property in a trailer. I say I love him no matter what. We talk everyday and he makes me laugh. Just his touch, which is rare, makes me want him so much.

My mom currently lives with me and he says that when she moves out he’ll move in, but I don’t believe him. I feel even lonelier now than I was before we starting dating.

Am I just fooling myself or do you think he really loves me?

Lost and Lonely

I’m sorry to say that neither of us can know how he feels because he’s sealed his emotions and his daily life away from you. He may even be married, and that’s why he only sees you Saturday nights, only at your place.

His “guilt” about oral sex is phony. He’s sexually selfish, period, since he can seek satisfaction but give nothing in return. Not even a hug.

He loves himself more than he loves you. Loneliness in a relationship is a signal to move on, because you’re being short-changed.

I’m 37 and live with my 84-year-old grandmother. On Thanksgiving and Christmas we go to my aunt's house to celebrate.

My problem: I used to be alcoholic and drug-addicted. I never finished college. By contrast, my cousins never did drugs nor abused alcohol. They’re both very successful and financially well off.

I knew them as kids, but as adults we never speak to each other except for holidays.

I am clean and sober now and have a testimony of Jesus Christ. My cousins are not religious. I feel like I’m invading their materialistic celebration on Dec. 25th.

I’ve tried to re-establish a relationship with them, with no success; their lives are just too busy. I don’t feel right going there just to get "paid" with a gift on Christmas even though I like the extra cash. What should I do this year?

Planning Ahead

Accompanying your grandmother at Christmas likely gives her great pleasure. You can still enjoy the religious meaning of the holiday while also upholding a family tradition by being with everyone. You’re not getting paid; you’re receiving a gift.

I have no doubt your relationship with your grandmother is very appreciated by the other relatives, since you keep her company and watch over her safety.

You’ve taken a different path from your cousins, but still have value. Not to mention courage and inner strength for overcoming your addictions.

Enjoy Christmas 2014, with your head held high.

 

While fixing my girlfriend's computer, I discovered photos and videos of her having sex with an ex-boyfriend. Some included another man present.

I talked to her about it and she was sorry I saw them but very firm that it was her business from the past.

She agreed to delete all the material, but I can't get the images out of my head and it's driving me insane.

It doesn't help that one video includes her enjoying a sex act that she refuses to do with me.

I don't want to break up with her as she's a great girl, but I can't stop those scenes running through my head.

Tormented

If you’re staying, forcibly stop re-picturing the reel. It has nothing to do with you.

But if you can’t forget it, break up so you don’t drive her mad about it too. She’s done all she can by erasing it.