My older sister is afraid of heights. She’ll only go a few flights up in a building, but if she gets in the elevator and sees that the building goes past 15 floors, she won’t even go up to the sixth. She’s petrified of getting stuck in an elevator and being sent higher than she’s comfortable with.

She’ll go up nine, sometimes 10 floors, but don’t get her near a window or she faints. The highest she’s ever been outside is five flights up, but she couldn’t go to the edge of the balcony.

I feel badly for her because it can be debilitating. Not a lot of people understand how she feels, and they can be mean. Her friends and even some of her boyfriends have tried to cajole her into doing things she simply is incapable of doing. And they can be mean when they joke around with her. I don’t think they understand the level of stress it causes her.

How can I help her, when obviously I can’t be with her all the time?

Higher Heights

Your sister is not alone in her fear of heights; MANY people suffer from this same phobia, known as acrophobia. There are ways to treat it, if she wishes to try to overcome her fear. Hypnosis, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, and exposure therapy can help minimize the fear, while some medications can be used to manage the anxiety and panic that is associated with the fear.

In the meantime, she can organize her life so that she doesn’t find herself too far off the ground. For example, instead of accepting a job in a highrise building, she can work from home. There will be times, however, when she’ll be forced to go higher than she wishes, due to any number of factors.

You can help her by supporting her through her journey to try to overcome the fear, in helping her map out a lower-to-the-ground life, and in accompanying her whenever she is forced to go up. But she must have the strength to tell her friends and boyfriends what it means to her. If they aren’t supportive, or think it’s funny to mess with her, they’re not true friends.

I met a man who I thought was my dream come true. We bought a trailer together. After two years he was having foursomes with another woman and a couple. The couple posted it online, which is how I found out. When I confronted him, he denied it, even though he was in the photo!

I broke it off because he wouldn’t listen to my concerns and got angry. While we were separated, he was with three women sexually, including his wife. We got back together and had an amazing summer. That was dumb of me.

Two nights after the summer ended, and we returned home, he immediately went to his wife's place and spent the night. This happened two weekends in a row because he was visiting his 32-year-old daughter who lives at her mother’s. When I asked him if he went there, he denied it at first. Then I asked if he spent the night. Again no. When I re-asked the question, he admitted to it.

He thinks he’s done nothing wrong. I think I’m crazy to take him back. He keeps telling me he loves me. What do I do?

Nonsensical

What’s nonsensical here is that you are having an affair with a married man, then surprised when he goes home to his wife! He’s married! To her! You’re not “taking him back” – you’re accepting being his bit on the side.

This man is not your dream come true. He’s your worst nightmare. Sell the trailer and find someone who loves you and only you. You deserve better than this.

FEEDBACK Regarding the person working from home (April 1):

Reader – “Consider volunteer work: there is a huge and growing need for Friendly Visitors to go and visit shut-ins.  Gentlemen volunteers are in especially high demand. It's an easy commitment: go see your client once a week for a couple of hours, maybe take them out to a coffee shop, or to get groceries. Many of the shut-ins are desperately lonely on weekends and would love to see somebody on Saturday afternoon.

“Also, if you are so inclined, think about joining a church or temple, perhaps one with a smallish congregation, and a tradition of fellowship after the service. It’s a great way to make connections in the community, for finding out the name of a good plumber, or joining a group going to see a particular movie. You never know who you might meet.”