My 12-year-old daughter has no shame – and I’m so pleased that I have raised such an open, easygoing child. With barely a year between them, she and her brother were raised like twins. It’s only recently that he has started wanting and requesting privacy, as he is going through some puberty changes. We obviously respect that and give him his privacy.

But she just walks around, without her shirt on if she’s hot, or running from the bathroom to her room without a towel. He avoids her and she doesn’t do it to annoy him; she’s just an open child.

Now she’s started borrowing my underwear. I don’t care, in fact, I think it’s sweet. I love that she is old enough to want to borrow my things, but not old enough to think my things are uncool. The only problem is that my husband thinks it’s unhygienic and gets mad at her.

How can I explain to him that this is just a phase, and it won’t last long so leave her alone? I don’t want to upset him, but isn’t this a mother-daughter thing?

Between Us Girls

I love that your daughter is open like that! She sounds like my kind of girl. As far as hygiene goes, people have different standards. If the underwear gets properly laundered after each wear, then it’s as hygienic as it gets, in my eyes.

Maybe your husband is having more difficulty accepting the fact that his little girl is growing up (and wearing women’s underwear!) than the borrowing itself. Talk him through it. Hold his hand. It’s hard for dads to let go of their baby girls. Then explain to him why you like this phase: because it brings you and your daughter closer. Not closer than he and she, just closer as mother and daughter. And that as a woman, you know that this phase won’t last.

Remind him that he’ll get those special father-son moments that you won’t, such as when he needs to teach your son to shave for the first time. The most important issue here is that you two walk through these life changes together – maybe not equally on everything, but together.

My older brother is a practical joker. He’s been doing it our whole lives and I’m used to it. But sometimes I’m just not in the mood. He doesn’t care about anyone else; he just loves to laugh at other people’s expense. But because I usually know what to expect from him, he can somehow bring me out of my mood, and I still end up laughing.

Recently, however, I was in a very bad mood. Everything was going wrong for me that day, and then my brother played a practical joke on me. I responded badly. I threw something at him and yelled. Loudly.

Now he’s not talking to me and I feel a shift. We’re both mid-20s, both home from university, both taking a few months off before starting work. I thought we would really enjoy this time together, and now I think I’ve ruined it. What do I do?

Jokester Gone Off

Your brother needs a bit of maturity and a lesson in people skills. He needs to learn to read the room. That’s his problem, and his job. Hopefully he can apologize to you for not recognizing the signs of someone who doesn’t want to be pranked.

Your job is to apologize to him for your reaction, and for throwing something at him. And then explain that there are times when you need him to stand down. Maybe create a safe word until he learns your cues.

FEEDBACK Regarding the sister in need (Jan. 16):

Reader – “We lost our beautiful 34-year-old daughter to cancer three years ago, leaving her two young children behind. People used to ask us, “What do you need?” Or “how can I help?” While much appreciated, we didn’t know what we needed until we needed it.

“The most appreciated items were dinners or baked goods, items for the children’s lunches just left on the step. This SIL should start by making lunches for the girls, help do laundry, or just be present.

“Grief is terribly lonely. I know.”

FEEDBACK Regarding the frugal wife (Jan. 22):

Reader – “You were on the right track; it may be depression. It may also be frustration and exhaustion from doing everything on her own. The husband has noticed that the kids need haircuts and new clothes. Has he stepped up? In addition to exploring her feelings, he should be looking at his own contribution to the household and parenting and seeing if he's pulling his weight.”