My parents had five children, of which I am the youngest. My eldest sister was big into dance, gymnastics, Acro, etc. My eldest brother was a hockey player. My middle brother and sister, twins, were simply set to follow in their footsteps. That was fine with my brother, but not my sister.
When I came along, my parents asked me what I wanted to do. I wanted soccer and I got it. My next oldest sister begged to switch into soccer with me but my parents wouldn’t let her. They felt she had already started on the dance path and needed to continue.
Of all us siblings, she was the only one they didn’t really understand…. Or care to figure out. I tried to talk to my parents but they wouldn’t listen. Her despair turned to anger, and she focused it on me. She was horrible to me, which made my parents angry at her.
It was a vicious cycle. As soon as she could, she left home, and distanced herself from the rest of us.
We are all adults now; our parents are elderly. Fortunately, we are all healthy, successful in our worlds, have families of our creation, and remain close. Not her. My other siblings have long given up, but I can’t. I feel she was misunderstood and ignored and I want to be there for her. But she still pushes me away.
How can I get my sister back?
You were wise and observant beyond your years, and recognized what was happening in your home. But you were a child and couldn’t change the course of action. Five children is a lot and your parents clearly didn’t have the bandwidth for all of them. I am sure they did the best they could.
Reach out to your sister. If she doesn’t answer your calls, send her a text or email. If she doesn’t reply, send an actual letter by snail mail. If still no reply, try going over to her house. Just to talk. Start off immediately by saying that you are aware of her distrust, her anger, and her desire to not be part of the family. Tell her that you are not there to change her feelings.
Get the message across to her that you just want to be her sister. That you love her and want to be part of her life any way she will allow.
She’s clearly hurt and could use your love and support.
FEEDBACK Regarding the hurt mom forgotten on Mother’s Day (May 30):
Reader – “I am a stepdad who has basically watched my step-kids forget their mom on Mother’s Day for the past 13 years. They are 25 and 28.
“I didn’t care for your full response to ‘pull up your big girl panties and get over it… Maybe she forgot, maybe she had another reason.’
“No offense to you, but that is a typical mother response, making excuses for their kids. Mother’s Day is the second Sunday every May. Kids live and breathe on their phones, on which there is a calendar.
“I’m tired of watching my wife, who does so much for her kids, get hurt every Mother’s Day.
“I will say this though, you did give good advice in regards to waiting until she calmed down and moved forward to talk to the daughter. That is always sound advice and I am using that because I need to have a chat with my step kids about Mother’s Day this year and from years past. Because let’s be honest - there is NO EXCUSE!”
Lisi – On behalf of all mothers, thank you!
FEEDBACK Regarding the porn star moustache (May 27):
Reader #1 – “She should talk to her son about getting a sense of humour. You need to be able to laugh at yourself. I used to have a huge mustache. My daughters used to braid it with strings and beads. It would collect so much food you could make soup at the end of the day.
“I had it for years, then shaved it off when my wife stopped kissing me. My daughter recently mentioned that I should grow it back. Maybe she was joking. Maybe I should, just for a laugh.”
Reader #2 – “My husband had a full beard and moustache from the day I met him. I fell in love with him, not his facial hair. I never asked him to shave. After 10 years of marriage, he surprised me with a clean face.
“I fell in love with him all over again.”