Last February, I emailed my son that I had good news and invited “him” for breakfast the next Saturday.
He emailed me back that his wife would be coming along.
Yet ever since his daughter’s birth two years ago, his wife almost always declined my invitations.
I had told them I considered it disrespectful.
Only my son and granddaughter ever joined my girlfriend, her 16-year-old daughter, and me.
At the breakfast, I told them my girlfriend and I were getting married. I’ve been divorced since 2007 and met her in July 2014.
(Incidentally, on rare occasions, my daughter-in-law did come for dinner and everyone got along well.)
I made a point then, that my fiancée and her daughter play with, and entertain the little girl so I can have alone time with my son to catch up, discuss his job, etc.
This past March, my son and his wife, had a healthy baby boy.
My son texted me that his wife wasn’t feeling well, and I should come Wednesday. He added, “only YOU.”
The next day, he texted me: “Come between 12 noon and 3 PM. Only You.”
Then a second text: “My mom is coming between noon and 1:30 PM.”
I was now to be there 1:30 to 3 PM. Again, ONLY me.
I protested that my future wife and I want to see his new son.
I was told that my daughter-in law had had a Caesarian section.
Yet she was well enough to arrange three consecutive hours of visitation between my ex and I.
I said that my fiancée and I needed no more than five minutes to see the baby.
I have no idea why she absolutely refused to have my future wife see their son even for five minutes.
I then had a tough time doing damage control with my fiancée as she had serious doubts whether she wanted to be part of this with all the negativity.
She said this is supposed to be a happy time, with us getting married and the birth of a new baby.
To try and get some insight, I invited my son for lunch. I got no answer, no apology on his wife’s behalf. He appeared extremely uncomfortable.
I don't see how this can be fixed.
My plan is to continue, of course, to see my son and his kids, but not his wife. Any suggestions?
There’s negative history here. It’s obvious that keeping you and your ex-wife apart has been part of the family dynamic after the divorce.
Maybe this was your ex’es demand. Or maybe your son and DIL felt stress around both parents, especially now that you’re re-marrying.
Your DIL also seems to have her own strong feelings about avoiding you. Perhaps your insistence that you have alone time with your son turned her off.
Adult children and their parents often work out seeing each other or communicating together, with less demand about it.
There are sensitivities at play – perhaps overreactions, or not – that have created this standoff.
Giving up on any relationship with your DIL should NOT be your first choice. Or it can lead to a divide from your son, too.
Send her a note congratulating her personally (a Caesarean surgery isn’t just a cakewalk), and, if you haven’t yet sent a baby gift, do that.
Then, communicate. Say how sorry you are for any strain in the relationship, and that you’d like to get past it for everyone’s sakes.
It may not work. But you’ll have tried.
I met a guy at a local bar through Bumble. He was very cute and nice-looking and he sent a text inviting me to come sit with him, which I did.
He was very nice, funny, and respectful, so when he asked me for a date the next week, I accepted immediately.
But when I was leaving, he stood up to walk me to the door, and he’s two inches shorter than me!
I’m a tall girl who always wears high heels!
What should I do?
Buy flats. At least try, if you still find him “nice,” and attractive too (must be since you swiped him on Bumble).
A good guy is worth getting to know. He could turn out to be a great lover, too.
Otherwise, all you’re showing him and yourself, is shallowness.
Do you want a closet of high heels, or do you want a guy you might fall for?
Tip of the day:
Bad in-law relationships can divide you from grandchildren too. Try hard to reconcile.