FEEDBACK - With alcoholism one of the most prevalent problems that disrupt and damage family relationships, the following heartfelt messages are important for me to pass along:    
      Reader – “I’m just now separated after 38 years with an alcoholic husband and wish I’d sought out Al-Anon years ago. I wish that I’d helped my kids more, too.     
      “Young people can also do well with the Teen version and find out that they’re not alone.”    
      Reader - “I split from my alcoholic husband after 14 years. He saw our kids less and less over the years.    
      “When he did arrange a visit, he arrived very late or cancelled. Weeks went by though he lived 20 minutes away. My son was hurt, but stoic; my daughter was openly wounded, felt rejected and cried often.    
      “Eventually, they learned he had a terminal illness and died weeks later. They never had a chance to have the talk with him that could’ve started to set them free.”

One of the most harmful effects of alcoholism is the feeling of isolation and rejection for spouses and children who struggle with the chaos and hurt of their family’s “dirty secret.”     
      I often recommend Al-Anon/Al-Ateen: it’s a proven self-help recovery program for families and friends of alcoholics - whether the alcoholic is still drinking or not. At meetings, or online, people share their experiences, and give each other support.    
      Al-Anon stresses that it’s not allied with any sect, denomination, political entity, organization or institution. There are no dues for membership.    
      To learn more and find a meeting in your area, go to www.alanon.alateen.org.

I’m separated, but venturing back into the dating world. I lost 100 lbs and look pretty decent. On my Internet dating site, I'm getting lots of attention.     
      But my body’s been through significant change. I’m in great shape so you’d only know, in an intimate moment, that I was once heavy; even then, you wouldn't know I was SO overweight.     
      But when I tell a potential or existing boyfriend that I lost 100 lbs, they run. One man blocked my profile, though he’d relentlessly pursued me for a date.    
      I think it's information any potential partner should have, but when should they be told? I don't want to be seen to be trying to trick anyone into thinking that I always looked the way I do.     
      I thought that men 40 to 50 would’ve matured. Another man declined to even meet me when he heard about the weight loss! My theory was that those who truly don't care would carry on.    
      But meantime, it hurts to be turned down. The thought of being months into a relationship and having them then breakup with me because of it would be even harder to take.
      - Pretty Sad

You didn’t commit a crime, so there’s no reason to be obsessed with confessing. You showed great courage and determination, of which you can be very proud! Don’t let the few jerks get you down.
      Initially, these are strangers online. They can see what you look like now and can learn about your interests. Only when dating has occurred over a few times – in person – should you simply report that you lost a lot of weight and are committed to fitness and healthy nutrition.      
      The number of pounds needn’t be told for a long time. It apparently brings out the guys who can’t handle anything they fear is “different.”     
      The right guy will eventually know how hard you’ve worked and he’ll think you’re amazing.

My in-laws visit twice annually, staying three to four weeks. We’re living in their home, "house-sitting" while they’re away.     
      I want to buy our own home and have full control of decor, furniture, what to use in the kitchen, etc., but my husband says it’s "wasted" money since we live here “free.”    
      Whenever my mother in-law visits, she changes everything “back" to her way - even using her old mop though I bought a new one. Yet I worry a move will cause resentment from my husband because of the financial stress. He’s open to a move eventually.
      - Torn

Some “free” things comes with a huge cost; you need to determine if these eight weeks’ total of in-law visits are tolerable for the benefit of savings, or if you’re feeling too controlled/insecure to bear it.     
      If possible, an agreed compromise on reasonable timing for your move would hopefully satisfy you both.