There is a woman in my office who has chosen not to shave her armpits. I know this because she is constantly raising her arms and showing off her hairy pits.

We have a dress code in the office that men are not allowed to wear tank tops, or sleeveless tops of any kind. And I’m grateful that women don’t have the same restrictions, though we are still requested to keep our shoulders covered. When it’s warm, we often will wear tank tops under a light cardigan or open blouse.

It’s during these moments that this woman is incessantly raising her arms. This isn’t about my personal hygiene preferences – it’s an affront! Her armpits are bushy and black, and it’s extremely unpleasant to look at it, as it would be on a man.

I may be the one writing you, but I’m not the only one disgusted by this woman’s appearance. Is there anything we can do as a collective group?

Pit Nation

My first reaction is to say that, without research, I don’t think there’s anything you can do about this. I’m sorry that you have to go to work in an uncomfortable situation, but this response is non-specific to your issue, meaning, it’s not about the pits.

Without getting HR to come down on their no tank top rule, which would affect every woman in the office from your explanation, I would ask first if you could move to a different part of the office where you don’t have to be near this woman all day. If she’s not part of your team, then it won’t matter to anyone, and she doesn’t need to know why you’ve moved. And you can still be friendly and kind whenever you see each other.

If moving your desk isn’t a possibility, then you’re going to have to learn to live with this woman and her hairy armpits.

Recently I was in a close friend's car. At one point he nodded off at a red light. I was scared and upset.

He told me he now always puts the car in neutral or park when he stops at a light. He has sleep apnoea but said he could not use the machine. At my place he sometimes falls asleep while I'm talking to him, or even while he's talking.

I told him he should not be driving; he says he's fine to do it. I have told him he must go to his doctor, he hasn't so far. I have asked him to speak to his son. I have told him if he doesn't I will.

I really don't want to speak to anyone against their objections. What is the morally right thing to do? I am concerned for his safety, but at this point more so about what could happen to innocent people.

Scared friend

I believe you are morally obligated to speak to this man’s son, who then needs to get this man to a doctor. Falling asleep while driving is extremely dangerous. He could hurt himself and/or someone else, and he could lose his license.

Obviously, the right thing for him to do would be to get his apnoea in check so that he no longer falls asleep at the wheel. And, that he stops driving until he can do so without falling asleep.

Reader’s Commentary Regarding schizophrenia (May 16):

“I encourage anyone who is struggling with a family issue to talk to someone.  Your family doctor; call a help line.  Sharing your struggle is the right thing to do.  Trying to manage it on your own is much more difficult.  I know from personal experience.”

FEEDBACK Regarding the dad feeling left out (May 23):

Reader – “This guy would be the envy of many fathers. His daughters and their friends are choosing THEIR home to meet.  This means that he knows where they are, what they are doing and who they are with.  That peace of mind is PRICELESS.  How many fathers have no idea where their kids are half the time or who they are with?

“Plus, in the not-too-distant future, both of his daughters could be moving out for post-secondary school and/or careers.  Then it’s silence.

“I’m wondering…. has he even asked his daughters HOW he may be able to be involved with them? Do you think that perhaps his morning solo runs are being interpreted as a desire to be left alone? Has he ever discussed his feelings with his wife?”

Lisi – I agree. He’s a lucky guy. But fair questions. I hope he sees this.