I’m part of a group of eight guys who all went to college together. We’ve marched in each other’s weddings, held our children at their christenings, baby namings, whatever, and have been there for each other through everything. I never thought anything could break us up.

Several months ago, one of our guys was overwhelmed with shock when he learned his wife was having an affair. He found out by accident, didn’t confront her, but instead, came to us for advice and support. We each told him what we thought he should do, there were several different opinions, but we gave him food for thought.

After a few agonizing weeks, he confronted her – and she denied it! He showed her the proof, and she still denied it. He demanded to know who it was, but she wouldn’t acquiesce. She swore it wasn’t the truth. He slept at my house that night because my wife was away with another one of the wives.

After drinking too much, we decided to Uber over to that guy’s house since we knew he’d be alone, and we wanted him to drink with us. You’ll never guess who was there. It was a disaster! I had to grab my buddy from physically tackling our friend; his wife was screaming and crying; and I had to call my wife and tell her what was going on so she could inform that wife.

But now the six of us don’t know what to do! When we get together as guys, do we exclude both so as not to choose sides? As couples, do we invite the innocent spouses?

Mix n’ Match

Disaster for sure! I have a problem with people who have affairs. You can fall out of love with your partner; you can fall in love with someone else; but leave one before starting with the other. Otherwise, it’s very messy and too many people get hurt. I wouldn’t want to be friends with the guy who was having the affair because he isn’t trustworthy and is duplicitous. Those are not qualities I look for in a good friend.

That’s just my opinion and how I think I would react – but I’ve never been in that situation.

As awkward as it is for you six to have your newly single friend tagging along, it is exponentially more awkward for him. Be generous of spirit and invite him to everything. He also needs your support right now.

As for your wife’s friend, the continuation of her inclusion depends on her relationship with all the other wives – and the guys – and her level of interest. She may want nothing to do with any of you…… or, again, she may need you for support. Wrap your arms around both, separately, as much as they need/want.

My girlfriend and I just moved in together. We did a thorough scan of everything in her apartment and everything in mine and decided what would make the cut. It never occurred to me to look at food.

She has filled our cupboards with spices, which is great as we both love to cook. However, she also brought several bins of half-full bags of lentils, half a bag of rice, expired oatmeal, outdated cans of soup, etc.

I don’t want that stuff! What do I do?

Out of date

Show her the expiry date and say, “If you bought this a year ago and still haven’t used it, you won’t miss it.” Then go to the store together and start fresh. I understand that not EVERYTHING can be brand new (like your bed frame or couch), but your food should be.

Elizabeth Taylor once said, “Don’t cry for things that can’t cry for you.” The oatmeal won’t miss her.

FEEDBACK Regarding the estranged family (May 2):

Reader – “What a cruel mean-spirited mother telling her young nine-year-old daughter that her biological grandmother is a drunk.

“Maybe grandmother has some serious issues with alcohol, but the daughter should be supportive not judgemental.

“Also, I don’t agree with the aunt telling the nine-year-old that her sister could become an alcoholic. What the aunt could have said was, ‘your grandmother needs your love to overcome her addiction.’”

Lisi – I’m not sure I agree with you. I don’t think the mother was being cruel and mean-spirited. I think she was explaining why the children don’t see their grandmother. Yes, she could have said she has health problems, mental health problems, but at some point, children hear adults talking and know the truth anyway.

And telling the kids that the grandmother NEEDS them to overcome addiction is incorrect and filled with unnecessary pressure.