My ex-boyfriend and I, both 28, were together for 18 months. I'd moved into his condo after a few months. He paid for rent but I paid for almost all groceries, trips, and dinners out.

Recently, I came home in a bad mood from work and he said the relationship was over. (I'm a Registered Nurse working full-time in a busy hospital.) He works in an office with little interaction and never understands why I just wanted some peace and quiet after a hectic day... like a long shower.

We'd been working on our relationship for the past month. He felt I got angry too often and took it out on him when I was really just stressed out from work.

But he said I had to move out. I feel it's stemming from a recent guys' weekend. Things were fine with us beforehand. After, he said we were done because "none of his friends' girlfriends sent him as many texts as I did" (I was telling him about my days). And their girlfriends weren't invasive about what he was doing while getting drunk on a houseboat with friends.

We'd spent all our free time together. Now he won't return my calls or answer the door. I'd cooked for us, cleaned, did laundry and cared for the pets. Our sex life was great. What did I do wrong?

Thrown Away

When the hurt eases, take a harder look at the relationship. Things weren't "great." Fair or not, he'd already stated that you were taking stress out on him. That was the signal to try something else.... even stopping for a soothing tea before coming home all wound up. Or, recognize that this guy was demanding a housekeeper and upbeat companion all the time. It seems you were trying too hard to be Ms. Perfect, but unable to hide the stress or your insecurity.

All those texts and questions during his weekend away made you look needy. And embarrassed him in front of the guys. Now you know he's also immature, because he should've told you more precisely what he felt and given you time to accept it, change, or agree that you were "done."

Time to heal, and find some de-stressing techniques for your own sake.

My second husband and I broke up after a decade in which he was the stepfather to my son, from age eight to 18. His two older sons were married and had children during our time together.

His sons are very angry with me, so there's been no contact. I feel badly because I enjoyed being the "stepgran" to their kids, who openly loved me.

But I feel worse for my son who feels abandoned by a man he once admired, respected, and liked a lot. Though he sees and loves his own dad, he's visibly saddened by the lack of interest that my ex has shown. He's punishing my son because I'm the one who ended our marriage. What can/should I do about this?

Uncertain

Talk to your son. Explain that this isn't about him or anything he did, and that your ex'es distance is not uncommon behaviour, given the rejection he feels. (Your son also needs clear explanation of why you broke up).

Then give him permission to contact this man, if he chooses, when a few months have passed and emotions have settled more.

You, too, can attempt some contact with the step- grandchildren in time, through sending birthday and occasion cards that show you care.

FEEDBACK Regarding a women's name change through marriage (Nov. 8 column):

Reader - "I'm divorced and remarried. I didn't change my name when my ex-husband and I got married, but later changed it when I became pregnant. I was being practical and thought it'd be simpler for my son and I to have the same name. When I separated I didn't change my name back for the same reasons.

"However, I did change it when I became engaged to my new husband and he threatened to postpone our wedding if I did not. He didn't want to marry me with my ex-husband's name. I understood, but I resented the threat and questioned the importance of our relationship if he was willing to dismiss it over that. It is, after all, my child's name also. So I went back to my maiden name, and so it will remain."