I’ve been with my husband for 30 years (married for 18). I’m 67, he’s 84. He doesn’t like me seeing/having contact with my family.
I help my aunt, 93, with her health issues, as I previously worked in the medical profession. But he thinks her own family should help her, though she only trusts me.
The house we live in is mine yet, legally, he’ll get half. He keeps suggesting that I sell it. Unfortunately, living somewhere else won’t be as cheap.
I’d like out of this relationship but don’t want to move/lose my house.
You’re unhappy with your husband but more concerned about the house/finances, and your independence.
The law prevails, and he’s entitled to half the proceeds from a sale if you divorce. He can’t stop you from helping your aunt. You seem to just be looking for a way out.
Deal with realities. Accept what you can live with, then decide what you cannot.
My older sister’s son moved away four years ago to a different US state than where his mother now lives alone. I’ve since moved just three hours from her.
My sister called her adult son daily, crying/begging him to return. He lied that he’d be back in three years, because she was clinging as if he’s a youngster.
Next, she retired with a very good retirement deal, three years ago. She’s spent it so widely; she’s now forced to sell her home because she can’t pay her mortgage.
She wants to die, unless her son takes care of her. He’s a nurse and got married last year. The couple aren’t interested in moving to her state.
I’ve been helping her pack. She’s a hoarder and poor housekeeper. And, at 65, became an alcoholic. She’s on meds for depression and has a heart condition.
Very recently, she cried and sobbed for hours about wanting to die. Her son knows this and feels giving her attention will only make her worse.
I know how suffocating she is to him. I wish him the best life possible, but to what extent should I keep quiet?
I’ve just remarried after losing my first husband. My new husband has medical issues that require me as caregiver. Pressure to find a solution for my sister weighs heavily on me.
As this move gets closer to reality, I don’t feel comfortable leaving her by herself. She drinks, then sleep-walks with no recollection of things she says or does.
How do I fix this situation? Anything I suggest either “won’t work” or draws her hostility. My nephew won’t deal with this at all.
Very Worried Sister
You’re doing what you can personally by helping with her moving tasks, and being a witness that things are getting worse.
Now, what’s needed most is psychiatric help for her deep depression, augmented by suicide thoughts and her alcoholism.
Since you’re also caring for your husband, search for a psychiatrist in her area who can see/meet her online or in person to assess her. Tell her there are good people who can help her.
Try to get her to attend an Alcoholics’ Anonymous meeting or other stop-drinking group, and accompany her at least once. Consider, too, attending an Al-Anon Family Group meeting to learn how others handle relationships with alcoholics, and pass this connection on to your nephew.
He’ll likely need to seek mental health support himself, if he won’t even contact his mother, should her despair deepen.
Someone has been sending me a red rose once a month, for the past six months. They’re lovely flowers and I’m happy to receive them, but also a bit disturbed about this.
There’s no note, no invitation, no hint of a future meeting or the sender’s identity.
I was initially flattered thinking maybe it’s an admirer who’d reveal themself soon. I’m a female, 34, single, and would love to meet someone special. But how can I trust someone who hides from me?
You can’t trust someone you don’t know. You can only wait until there’s a clue, and/or until you feel that either it’s gone on too long, or has become annoying and worrisome because of the silence.
If this persists to the point of greater worry, go to your local flower shop and ask if this has happened before and how it’s been handled. If more concerned, seek advice at your local police station.
Tip of the day:
Your spousal relationship should be the most decisive factor regarding divorce... not who gets the proceeds of a house sale.