I’ve been in a five-year affair with a married woman; she’s beautiful, charming and mother of several intelligent and capable children. The promise has always been that we’d be together soon.
Yet, they live on "together" … at opposite ends of the house, only sharing looking after their young children (one has health problems). There was the issue of a new job and its "probationary period" a good while ago; they're still together.
What do I provide? Well, love, small financial help for her, just trivial stuff. But where do I go from here? Mostly, I can't phone her and she doesn't phone me. Between her new job and the children she doesn't have time for me anymore.
She says she loves me and I believe her. I'm mid-40s, good job, have my own house, some small investments, but alone every night. Christmas and my birthday were missed, not even a card.
A cousin says I'm flushing my life down the toilet, but I love her and I’d do anything to be with her.
- Hopeless Romantic?

I don’t have a crystal ball, but I’m predicting she’s not leaving him - not soon, and likely not for you. The kids are too young, she has other priorities with work, and you’ve already made it too easy to carry on just like this.
In fact, she hardly has to see or speak to you to know you’re there. What you’re really “providing,” is the romantic dream that balances her daily life of responsibilities.
But for the foreseeable future, it IS but a fantasy. Move on with your own life and find a love you can share in the daylight.

Months ago, I asked my wife about an ex-lover who had "friend-ed" her on Facebook. She said he was only an old friend and I was insecure/paranoid.
Last week, I discovered a series of messages sent to him.  One, late at night, stated she was thinking of him and hoped all was well in his world. Another night, she talks of just sitting at home and getting drunk.
She had an affair with this guy some 12 years ago when he was married and she wasn’t. He’s now remarried. Am I crazy to think that she has been having an emotional/cyber affair with him?
- Suspicious

Affair or not, your wife’s not playing fair. Ex-lovers are in a sensitive category of “friends” – and your wife should realize that her spouse would be more concerned about her connecting with this guy, than any other “old friend.”
She’s also using an immature ploy to avoid owning up to that reality, by labelling you paranoid and turning the problem back at you.
No, you’re not crazy. They may just be platonic now, but if they keep up the late-night correspondence, they’re both poking at embers. Ask her if it’s just as fine with her if you contact all your old loves. If she says Yes, I’d worry even more.

My son’s married a woman who’s not interested in having children, She’s 35, and even makes a face when she hears babies crying. My son’s 37, and is great with kids, but he loves this woman very much. Is there anything I can do?
- Wannabe Grandma

Do nothing. Your daughter-in-law will either change her mind (most likely as she gets closer to 40), or not. Your adult son will decide for himself if he can accept this forever, or convince her to re-consider. Interfering will only distance you from them both.

I’m finishing my last year of college, but have been dealing with some challenging roommates. My boyfriend of one year and I broke up shortly after moving into a house with three other people. It’s been a minefield ever since.    
Within three weeks, he had a new girlfriend and brought her to stay here. Our rooms are connected and we share a bathroom. It makes me uncomfortable to see them together, let alone hear them being intimate.
Can I ask him to stop bringing her to the house or would that be out of line?
- Rattled

Out of line. Focus on finishing your studies and looking to the future. This guy’s in the past now, especially when you’ve learned how insensitive he is. However, if he’s paying for a room in the house, he’s entitled to bring whom he wants - unless there’d been a previous mutually agreed house rule about such situations.