I was married for 30 years, and left him ten years ago. (I regret it). I’ve been living with my common-law husband for four years.

He’s very verbally abusive, also emotionally and psychologically abusive. I’ve tolerated it long enough.

He was retired when we met and wanted me to retire with him, which I did. I had no pension, just my house. Unfortunately I sold the house, and banked very little money. We’re snowbirds, so working part-time wasn’t an option.
Now, ending this relationship, I need to find a place to live (or ask him to leave this house, which I’m on title as owning), also find a job.

I know seeing a lawyer is necessary. Also, there’s so much "stuff" of mine here that I don't want to start packing with him there.

He’s very controlling and manipulative and I'm afraid he’d talk me out of it. Or damage my things if I left without them.

Do you have any common sense advice for me?

Mature but Dumb

You’re already wisely aware of pitfalls and thinking ahead. See a lawyer privately. Be aware that in some jurisdictions you’ve lived together long enough for a common-law partner to be entitled to a share of your things, perhaps to requiring help with his accommodation.

Once informed, plan accordingly. If you fear his reaction could be harmful to you, do not announce your decision about separating when alone, and do not pack alone.

Have a timeline ready, as in, a date for movers to take his stuff, or to put yours in storage for awhile, while he organizes moving out.

Stay closely connected to any support people during the time of transition. If on your own, talk further to your lawyer to record any discomfort.

I’ve never been very close to either of my siblings but they’re close with each other. They have the same sense of humor which I find very offensive, immature, and unacceptable.

My distance from these siblings constantly hurts my parents, but their behaviour warrants it.

During a recent dinner, and drinking, they both started imitating people of different ethnic backgrounds, plus disabled people, etc. I kept on telling them to stop.

A close friend of theirs called out "No wonder you don't get along with your siblings, you’re so judgmental!"

Angry, I told everyone present that I’ve asked them nicely in the past to stop, but they think it’s a joke and obviously don't care or respect my feelings.

I then asked both my siblings if they talk like this at work and they started laughing and said, "No way, we’d get fired.” I left.

A few months later, I’ve bumped into cousins who’ve said they heard that “your siblings don't want to talk to you anymore because you disrespected them and made fun of their friends."

I was shocked! My friends think I should tell people the truth, but I don’t want to hurt my parents.

Obnoxious Siblings

Tell your cousins the truth. Your siblings aren’t shielding your parents from this, and you’re being maligned publicly.

If those two mock people this easily and often, your statements will be no surprise.

Put it simply, “Unfortunately, alcohol brings out their ethnic slurs and poking fun at the disabled. Their friends are probably embarrassed too so prefer to turn it against me.”

Hold your head high. And tell your parents that you’re sorry their other adult children prefer disrespect to decency.

I’m very high-anxiety, and find it hard to eat. My weight fluctuates, but I can't lose any more. My muscles are tired and very weak.

I was diagnosed with depression, and take meds that work well. What should I do to keep confident, and remember to eat and how much, daily?

Many people say I'm too small, and recently, I was rejected twice. I want to change my outlook and also love myself.

Underweight and Troubled

It’s good that you see a doctor for medications that are working. Now ask for referral to a behaviour specialist dealing with anorexia, since not eating seems to be an entrenched pattern.

Your goals are positive, and loving yourself includes maintaining a healthy weight so you’re not weak of spirit. Achieving even small steps like keeping a diary of times to eat and best nutritional choices will help build your confidence.

And friendly self-confidence attracts others’ interest.