A year ago, my niece, 35, confided a secret (Ellie's note: the secret is unrevealed here).

Her mother, my sister, is an alcoholic and drug addict. My father molested her in her childhood.

My niece was sexually assaulted while living with her mother. She moved to live with her father at age seven. She's been to rehab several times and is currently on anti-depressants and suicidal.

She told her mother the secret, which her brother had confided when drunk. He's drug-addicted and an alcoholic. My sister didn't do anything, and told my niece she didn't believe it.

Her son now says he doesn't remember or it didn't happen. When my niece learned that her cousin had moved back home with her three children, she became frantic because the secret was about my brother.

My niece called local children's services for advice but still needed to tell her cousin. I supported her in this and was there when she told her.

I made it clear that this was information that she needed to know and make her own mind up about, and that I didn't know if it was true.

My whole family, except one sister, has now disowned me. They've said the most awful things to me and about my niece. My nephew is suicidal and has fled because the police are after him for a parole violation.

I think I've done the right thing but am unsure that I handled this correctly. I'm very angry with my sister because I think that if she'd done something, anything, all of this would be directed at her and not me.

She has my mother's ear and has turned this into a story that I'm doing this because I've always hated her. Have I lost my whole family?

Constantly Crying

When a family is as messed up as this, with ongoing addictions and past history of sexual abuse, you can't expect to win approval for breaking open yet another dark secret of the past.

It's impossible to know if it HAD to be told - especially when you didn't know if it was true. But you obviously felt there were potentially serious implications for your cousin's life.

If you're still connected to your niece, she needs your support. And one good relationship in such a troubled and dysfunctional family is worth nurturing.

It's too late to be hard on yourself for doing what your conscience dictated. But don't blame the others for not accepting this information.... they're all disturbed enough with their own problems.

Stay in contact with whomever you can. And never mention the matter again. It's theirs to digest or discard now.

My best friend since kindergarten and I made a pact in high school to be each other's bridesmaid. We're now early-30s and have maintained our relationship. She was my maid of honour a year ago and is marrying in eight months.

She's not indicated if I'm in the wedding party yet. Should I ask her what's up, or shut up and wait?

Getting Worked Up

Remember those wedding anxieties and irritations of just a year ago? You don't know what hers are, or who else is influencing her plans. Find a moment alone together, and ask her how it's going and if you can be of any help. If she doesn't ask you then, say you're wondering if you're in the wedding party. Be prepared that she may have a reason why not that has nothing to do with your friendship.

FEEDBACK A psychologist's professional view on the potential for pornography to become addictive:

Reader - "I'm seeing people in my office who are shocked/horrified by what's now turning them on, whereas in the beginning of watching porn they were aroused by more "normal" sexual scenarios.

"One needs to ask, is the behavior affecting one's relationships with family, partners, friends; and relationship with self (becoming more and more ashamed)?

"Is it affecting finances (wanting phone sex, or by webcam, or beginning to seek the services of sex workers)? Or affecting physical health (because of stress of doing something that on many levels you don't want to be doing as much); creating lack of sleep due to staying up late looking at porn sites; emotional health (feeling stupid because lacking control over the behavior)?

"This is happening to "regular guys" who have at one time positively contributed to the communities they live in.

"Concerned partners should seek marital therapy."