After two years of dating, with things going great, my girlfriend wanted a break. After one month apart, we got back together, with plans for the rest of the summer and the upcoming weekend, which included a romantic dinner. 

Suddenly, she acted cold and said she no longer wanted to be together at all. She wanted to be single and didn’t have the same feelings for me as before.

She can’t get past some things I do that annoy her (e.g. some food dislikes, I don’t work out regularly, some of my clothes). I’d tried working on these flaws in the past month because these were her earlier issues. Yet everything I do now annoys her.

She said she wants to be friends in the future.

Is there any chance she just needs time to think, or has she made up her mind for good?

Should I contact her or try to move on?

- Lost in Kelowna

Don’t let the “friendship” line confuse you; she’s clear that the romance is over. She’s “not into you” anymore. 

Her issues with you aren’t true flaws, so don’t bend over backwards trying to re-make yourself. Sure, it’s good to work out, and try different foods and styles, but not just to hold onto this woman a little longer until she finds other excuses.

Contact is NOT helpful at this time, it’ll just “annoy” her.

While moving on doesn’t happen overnight – nor should it – start calling friends to get together, and consider taking up an interest that keeps you getting out and meeting people, including new women to befriend, then date.

To save money to start my husband’s business and also build our dream home, we moved into his widowed mother’s basement. I’m at home with three children. 

While his mother is a wonderful grandmother, she’s snippy with me, impatient, and intolerant. Our living space isn’t always organized, which bothers her.

I fight back, meanly, so she doesn’t think she can push me around.

She feeds my kids treats everyday, when I’ve allowed it only on occasion. She contradicts anything I say. I hate her and am dying to have our own place.

My husband and I have endless fights about this. He admits his mother is not the nicest to me, and sticks up for me. She’s often nice to me as well but I can’t stand when she makes me feel inferior.

My husband has said we can rent a place if I’m so unhappy but it’ll end our house dream.

I know she won’t change as we’ve had discussions about our not getting along.

My husband begged me to give him three years to get the money saved.

How can I bear staying here? My going to work isn’t an option as she won’t baby sit and daycare costs will defeat our purpose.

- Trapped

Meanness and hatred are excessive reactions, especially since feeling inferior is a problem that starts within yourself. 

Try a different approach. Spend several months getting counselling help. When you feel emotionally stronger, both of you must tell his mother that you like to make your own decisions, and have some rules about child-rearing that she must honour or you’ll have to leave.

Then, you and hubby need to talk. If Mom doesn’t change, and you still find her unbearable, the “dream” house is creating a family nightmare. Re-think what your values are between the family’s emotional happiness versus material gains that’ll take longer to achieve.

My younger brother’s 23, living with my mom who teaches him nothing and also supports his out-of-control marijuana habit. 

I’ve tried to convince him to move out on his own - he has a stable job and car. But he’s lacking the self-esteem and knowledge to achieve things he wants, like a relationship.

How do I motivate him?

- Concerned

He’s more into marijuana than motivation, so it’s unlikely you’ll get him to move out by talking about what’s wrong with his living situation. But boosting his self-esteem is a way to get him thinking about how to achieve more. 

Be supportive. Talk to him proudly about the things he has already accomplished – his skills, his job, etc. Meet him right after work for a nice dinner, go to a game together.

Show him there’s an interesting big world out there where he can socialize, meet women, and expand his life.