Most of my daughter’s friends have a creative outlet, many in sports, some in dance, and two in theatre. All these kids have settled into their one favourite activity and are going for it. They live in different parts of the city, so belong to different teams and clubs usually in their neighbourhood. There are exceptions, such as the one little girl who is so adept at cheer that she’s joined a team across the city because they are more competitive and higher ranked than her local team.
My issue is with one mother who can’t seem to let her daughter settle. She started her in one sport at one club but then tried another sport at another club. That girl also danced when she was little and was pretty good. So, her mom has basically shopped around to find whichever club will take her daughter. They are constantly driving all over the province from club to club, sport to sport.
The child has cried to my daughter that she just wants to focus on one sport, and stay at one club, which she specified, so she can grow and improve with her team. Her mother won’t stop! My daughter is worried about her friend and came to me.
What should I do?
Dance Mom
My answer very much depends on how well you know this other mother. If you don’t know her at all, it’ll be hard for you to say anything without coming across as someone who should mind their own business. If, however, she’s a friend, even an acquaintance, you may be able to find ways to speak with her that won’t seem meddling, but rather, concerned for her daughter.
Imagine if a stranger walked up to you and said, “Caitlyn hates playing tennis with that female coach at Club Ten.” You’d be shocked and appalled. But if your friend said, “Hey, I heard Caitlyn prefers that male coach at Sam’s club over the female one at Club Ten. Are you going to stay with him?” you’d hear it for what it is.
Also, I suggest you have your daughter ask her friend how things are going every week or so. If she continues to be miserable, you may have to just speak up, for the child’s sake.
My boyfriend is sexy, good-looking, funny, smart and good to me. My only complaint is his breath. I know he brushes his teeth, but he eats aromatic foods, sometimes smokes, drinks beer and coffee and by the end of the day, his breath is just foul.
I’ve tried to suggest we brush our teeth after meals when we’re together, but he likes to brush in the shower when he wakes up, and before he goes to bed. Those are great times to brush one’s teeth, of course, but there’s nothing stopping you from brushing more frequently, especially after every meal.
How can I get the message across to him in the nicest of ways that his breath reeks and I don’t want to get too close?
Dragon breath boyfriend
Better that you tell him than someone else does in a far less gentle manner, such as, “Dude, your breath stinks!” That’s just embarrassing.
Buy your guy a little kit for his backpack, or if he drives around a lot, something he can keep in his car. A toothbrush, toothpaste, a mini mouthwash, dental floss and some mint flavoured gum. You may want to keep a pack beside your bed and his – but not for him to chew – as a quiet reminder. Next time he leans in and breathes fire on you, you can gently hand him a mint and he’ll know that he needs to brush if he wants some love from you.
FEEDBACK Regarding the mother-in-law and her daughter-in-law issues (Feb. 21):
Reader #1 – “LET IT GO. It’s not you; it’s her. Stay in touch with your son and just be there for him. From personal experience, a divorce (very likely acrimonious) is in their future.
“I realized too late that my now ex-wife was a major narcissist. My mother could ‘do no right’ by her.
“I agree with Lisi: ‘Shower the ones you love with love, and you’ll get it back tenfold from the grandchildren. Enjoy them!’”
Reader #2 – “In your response to the MIL who thinks her DIL is rude, I think you missed the big clue: she complains that her son and DIL ‘chose not to have children,’ thereby depriving her of grandkids. The DIL's attitude very possibly might be in response to the pressure, the nosiness, the scorn of in-laws demanding she get pregnant. I've been there.”