I’ve been married for 20 years to my high-school sweetheart; we dated since we were 16. We have two sons in university.
My husband works long hours, but earns very well. We always took great family trips, and also entertained frequently at our home with all our friends and the kids’ friends, too.
My husband also had his own time – golf trips with his buddies, regular hockey and baseball game tickets, and he bought me lovely presents on every occasion.
I thought we were the rare lucky ones.
Suddenly, he announced he needs “time and space” on his own, and moved out before I even knew what he meant. He talks to our sons every day, and calls me every night at dinnertime, to see if I’m all right.
I cry a lot and am seeing a therapist, but he gives no sign of when and if he’ll return.
He swears there’s no one else, but he doesn’t answer my calls after dinner, and won’t allow me to visit his new place.
What do you think I should do?
Can’t Stop Crying
See a lawyer. You need to get informed about what all this means to you, now, and not just wait till he decides his next move.
Go on your own, for legal advice from someone not associated with him. You need to know your current legal and financial position, not just regarding a divorce.
His move means you’re already living “separated” and you need a legal agreement to that effect – what support money goes to you and to your sons’ education and living expenses, what assets remain yours if he doesn’t return, how you’d share or divide joint assets such as house, cars, investments, etc.
He’s acted arbitrarily, probably having gotten his own advice. Don’t be a victim. Counselling will help you decide how to handle what happens next.
My wife and I permitted my daughter’s friend to live with us for two weeks, as she’s from out-of-town.
During her stay with us, she stole our laptop computer.
She returned it, but only after I told her that I had proof that she was the one who took it.
My wife insisted that we forgive her and be friendly to her, because she is a friend of our daughter.
This woman is 30 years old.
However, I lost my trust in her sense of judgment, and I don’t want to associate with her.
What is the best solution for my wife and I on how we should deal with her?
If she didn’t ask to “borrow” it, give you a logical explanation, and didn’t apologize, there’s no question this woman can’t be trusted.
Friend or not, your daughter should be told this. If she’s of a similar age, she’ll handle it as she pleases, but she should at least know why you feel differently towards her friend, why you can’t ever offer your home to her again, and why your daughter should be wary of missing things, too.
If you see the woman again, be polite, don’t keep mentioning the theft, but don’t be talked into spending a lot of time with her which could mislead her into believing it’s forgotten.
She’s an adult who stole. If she or your daughter comes forward to say she has a problem in this area, recommend she see a therapist to deal with the tendency. She’ll need professional help.
My close girlfriend (early 20's) has been in an on/off relationship for two years. Her guy has cheated and openly disrespected her.
She breaks up when these things happen, but then takes him back. They’re now talking about getting married and having kids. Can this possibly work?
Not likely. There’s no strong reason so far, for him to change his ways. She takes him back, which shows her inability to set limits and stick to them. He’s shown a repeat ability/desire to cross the line.
As a friend, your best role is to ask her why she believes he’ll be different, and what he’s done to prove he can be a loyal husband and father. Let her ponder that on her own.
Also, suggest that the two get couples’ counselling to try to work on a better relationship than their pattern of the past.
Stay close, if you can. She’ll likely need support.
Tip of the day:
Don’t be a victim when a partner suddenly leaves. Get informed to help decide what’s best for you.