I’m early-20s, my boyfriend’s a couple years older, a wonderful man with a successful career.  

We decided to move in together, we see the relationship “going somewhere.” However, I live in a different city from my parents, and I’ve hidden this from them. They interfere frequently in my choices of men, based on previous bad experiences.

I’m sure they wouldn’t accept this man, but not because there’s anything wrong with him. They’d also not approve of our moving in together unmarried, so young.

Nevertheless, I don’t feel that my previous mistakes should dictate the types of decisions I’m now capable of making.

I respect and love my parents, but want to take my life into my own hands and have their support.

- Determined

Prove that you deserve to be respected as an adult by being honest. Your parents will find out eventually, and deceit will look as bad on you as any of your previous “mistakes.” 

If you’re secure with this man and sure you’ve learned from the past, then you have nothing to hide, do you?

Of course your parents will worry, and question you… that’s a natural part of their being caring and responsible. It’s up to you to show that they can relax more, because you’re mature enough to have the convictions of your choice, and to be upfront about it, despite their objections.

My sister and my wife started a business together, which failed. 

Both had only small losses, but my sister claims my wife purposefully let the business go, and is hostile to her. She’s created a huge, gossipy family rift, getting relatives (including her children and other cousins) to take sides.

She’s rude to my wife publicly. I’m caught in the middle.

- Torn

Tell Sis she has to separate business from family; the two women took the same risk. Say that your family’s future connection and harmony depends on her getting past this. 

Also, if you can afford to make up her material loss, it may be what she really wants/needs. But her nastiness has to end, or warn that she’ll eventually be isolated for her trouble making.

Alert her that she’s creating feuds that’ll last through the generations, which is a bigger family failure than any money loss.

My close friend (14 years) is increasingly jealous of me. She’s had a difficult life compared to mine, but in the past, we were both open and supportive. 

Now, she continually reminds me how sugarcoated my life is. Any challenge I face, she brushes off compared to hers.

Rather than celebrate my accomplishments, she comments about how “easy” things are for me. I feel the need to “downplay” any good fortune.

She denied this jealousy when I confronted her. Yet, it’s seriously affecting our communication, and makes me uncomfortable. But I don’t want our friendship to die.

- Hurt Friend

She’s becoming entrenched in her resentment, and that may be hard to undo. The next time she dismisses something in your life, point out immediately that there’s no competition here, that you wish her every success as well. 

Meanwhile, “downplaying” is occasionally the thoughtful, kinder route, depending on how big a variance there is in your current situations, e.g. if you’re having boom times, when she’s standing still.

The way to stay close is for you to be as sensitive as you want her to be. But, if there’s no change in her negative responses, you’ll inevitably end up seeing her less.

My girlfriend of four months suddenly wanted to break up because she “wasn’t ready,” so before the Christmas holidays I still gave her and her daughter gifts. 

After the holidays, she stopped talking to me… maybe because I’d sent several emails trying to get back together.

I still have feelings for her. Should I call her or just leave this alone?

- Awkward in Ontario

A second chance often works, IF there’s a new approach. Your contact when she wasn’t “ready” felt like pressure to her, so that’s not the right strategy this time. Send a card, something light-hearted, saying that you hope she and her daughter are doing well, and that you’d love to catch up with her if she feels like it. 

Next step: a simple chat over coffee, no pushing for a return to the relationship. If she’s responding, you’ll soon know when to state your feelings for her.