My boyfriend of four years and I are happy and thinking about a future together. But I'm increasingly concerned about his family's dynamics.
My best friend (then) was dating his cousin; they set us up. Things were great between the four of us until I discovered the other couple was being manipulative. They'd act concerned, telling me my boyfriend was a thief and a drug addict. But I discovered that he was accused of stealing a large sum of money, when we both knew that it was his cousin. Yet everyone still believes it was my boyfriend.

Also, the couple smokes weed while supervising their three children, there's abuse between the two, and my friend became isolated and withdrawn. Her daughter, 14, has started drinking, having sex, and smoking weed - all with her mother's knowledge.
The cousin hired my boyfriend. He worked hard but either wasn't paid or didn't receive what was due. He got so behind in bills, that he had to declare bankruptcy.

Yet his cousin mysteriously collected money to buy a condo. Meanwhile, rumours spread within the family about my boyfriend stealing, losing his temper, and doing drugs.
I ended the friendship with the couple. But, the extended family is actively involved and connected to all of us. They'll be visiting soon. Can I excuse myself from outings if these cousins will be involved? When we ran into each other, the guy verbally attacked and threatened to hurt me because I refused to chitchat with him.

The whole family knows his own cousin ripped off my boyfriend, but it's the elephant in the room. Should I say something to the family?

Can't Let Go

I'm all for family harmony when possible, but this extended family is far more Soprano-like than supportive.

It's your boyfriend who needs to stand up, and/or walk away from, the whole drama-infested gang. IF he's been wrongly maligned as a thief and cheated into bankruptcy, HE needs to end contact with his cousin. He should invite those relatives who know the truth to show their true alliance with him.... otherwise the so-called "connection" is a sham.

If you two can stay happy and make it on your own, the future is yours. If he needs and bends to this family's twisted sense of loyalty, you need to re-think the relationship, because these people present Big Trouble.

I'm a gay male, 21. Several months ago I met a gay guy, 30, on a dating site. He was in a seven-year common law relationship. I've been attracted to him from the start, but I was OK with being friends. He's broken up with his spouse and started a relationship with somebody from Chicago.

But he's repeatedly said that the chemistry between us is perfect and the only thing holding him back is his rule of dating people within five years of his age. I feel depressed and emotional watching him fall for other men, especially after this acknowledgement.

Do I end contact to regain my mental health, or do I keep the most positive friendship I've ever experienced while continuing to feel jealous?

Upset

Take care of you, because he's taking care of him. He's operating on a theory about age that he believes is sensible, right or wrong. And he seems fine with ignoring this "great chemistry."

Your mental health is too important to ignore. His friendship carries a hurtful sting, since you'll be exposed to his "stories" of new lovers and relationships. Better to move on yourself.

When I'm mad at someone or stressed out, I use mean words, slam doors, and sometimes throw and break my own things.

I've asked my psychiatrist (for obsessive compulsive disorder) for an anger management program and was told I'd need a criminal record to get that free. I'm pregnant and don't have benefits at work.

I'm scared to ask my social worker who then might try to take my baby. I don't want my child learning my behaviour. My family doctor sent me to anger management but I was uncomfortable because my anger isn't violent, but I might try again.

Need Help!

DO tell your social worker, as the agency involved can get you to anger management to help you raise your child safely. DO return to the other program and give it a chance. It's to your credit that you want to learn other ways to handle your angry reactions.