I'm mid-20's, newly single, and guilty of over-sharing at work. I often talk about my dates or specific guys I'm dating, and who said what, etc.

I'm feeling major remorse about it. I feel like everyone has their own opinions about how particular guys are treating me, and/or how I'm letting them treat me.

How can I avoid over-sharing? My office is small and most co-workers speak about their personal lives. I feel almost obligated to talk about mine.

Sometimes it ends up just coming out. I don't want to lose my credibility at work!

Too Chatty

It’s called Discretion, and you need some, fast. Of course people have opinions on your personal life… because you invite these with Too Much Information.

You’ve framed this as “over-sharing,” as if it’s a generous wish to connect, but frankly, most people hear it as “loose lips,” and a lack of personal privacy.

You are not obligated to give detailed answers about anything. “I had a good time,” “he’s a nice guy,” “we’ll see what happens,” are the way mature people handle intrusive questions.

Start doing this, now, or you will lose credibility as someone who can handle professional information discreetly, since you spill your guts on sensitive stuff about yourself.

I’ve recently become good friends with two sisters. I’d spend nearly everyday at their home or we’d go out partying, drinking, doing what university students do. Their friends also asked me to hang out with them.

While away at a cottage weekend, both sisters behaved promiscuously, the friends heard about it and spread the word.

I then learned they’ve slept around a lot and have a bad reputation. I told them that I didn’t like that their drama was affecting how people thought of me, too. They demanded that I stop hanging out with their friends, and must include them on any group outings.

I said I just get invited, and the reason they don't is because they cause drama.

Now both sisters are avoiding me even when I ask to hang out. Also, I no longer enjoy clubbing and drinking.

I’m unsure if I should give up the sisters’ friendship because I try to get along with everyone. I tried to defend them after the cottage events but to no avail because everything being said was true. They don't seem to want to grow up or take my advice.

I’m tired of being accused of taking their friends away from them. I cannot control if people like me, and enjoy my company; I treat people the way I want to be treated.

Yet these girls have been there for me during bad times and I'll always be thankful for that.

Torn

Drama Queens can be compelling… lots of action, and these two were there for you once. But too much drama is exhausting and off-putting, especially when they’re also trying to control your other friendships.

More important, you don’t approve of their promiscuity, and you don’t want to be painted with the same brush.

Be pleasant, but stop advising them how to behave, as you’ve said your piece and they’ll soon turn resentment against you.

Be friends with whom you want, and see these two less. Watch for signs of anger, lest they spread stories about you… which seems a possibility because you don’t meet their demands.

Getting too embroiled in such dramas can negatively affect your University year – social enjoyment plus your studies.

Make sure you leave time and space for the essentials.

FEEDBACK Regarding the woman who came to terms comfortably with being asexual (Sept. 13):

Reader #1 – “As someone who identifies as asexual, and went through a lot when I was younger because I didn't know about it and thought something was wrong with me, I wanted to say thank you for printing that letter and increasing visibility, and thank you so much for sticking to the facts, without biased opinion on the subject.
“If some one else writes in about asexuality, I highly recommend this site http://www.asexuality.org/home/ especially the FAQs.”

Reader #2 – “I’m in university, and wondering whether it’s possible to be attracted to both male and female, but have no sexual desires for them.”

Curious

At your life stage, there are often questions about sexual orientation. Yes, asexuality can and often does refer to both genders, sexually, but not necessarily emotionally.

You don’t need to make definitive self-judgments until you’re comfortably certain.