I'm a male, 38, whose same-age wife of five years is desperate to have a baby and I dearly want to make that happen. We tried for three years, went through in vitro fertilization, lost that pregnancy. It seems the problem is me having weak sperm. The IVF is very expensive but I'm willing to borrow again and keep trying.

My wife says she loves me more than her need for a baby and she's willing to give up, but I fear she's trying to keep me from feeling awful that it's my fault. Neither of us will consider adopting a child.

How can I convince her that I'll do anything to keep trying to conceive a baby with her?

Desperate

You both have equal emotional and financial investment in your future, with or without children. Ask the fertility specialist if there are other medical routes, e.g. possible surgery that could help with your semen difficulties, and discuss any potential options.

Remember that IVF involves raising hopes (possibly unrealized), as well as burdensome expense, for both of you. If any of these negative results feels too much for either of you to bear, then know your most important goal - preserving your very loving relationship.

We are grandparents caught in a never-ending series of babysitting requests. Though we love our grandkids, we sometimes feel oppressed from being constantly "on call."

Many of our friends also say they're exhausted from being involved with youngsters when we don't have the same energies any more.

We realize that, in some families, grandparents must provide day care when both parents work at modest-paying jobs.

But our adult children are professionals, and it's more that they don't trust anyone else but us with the kids; they also "guilt" us into feeling the same way. Even though they can afford a day-time nanny during week days, they have meetings at night, weekend commitments, want a "date night" etc., and call on us.

I'm the grandfather and retired. I worked hard in my time and would like to travel more, or just do as I please sometimes, yet both my wife and I get backed into these frequent babysitting commitments.

How do we maintain close relationships with our children and grandchildren without having to always give in?

Tired Gramps

Get a grip, Gramps. Your adult kids know that you're entitled to say No, but they'll keep asking for your time as long as you keep accepting. It's all about those same boundaries you had to set when they were youngsters, and again, with more negotiation, when they were teens.

Now the sides are even. They have their needs, but you and your wife have yours. It's up to you two to decide how much energy you have, and how much you need to conserve through rest and recreation.

Plan your travel time as you wish. Then look at your everyday schedules: Pre-empt those guilt-making requests by setting out your own list of free times, with clear indication of when you are NOT free.

If it becomes evident that these career-minded parents need a second-string babysitter, so be it. It's their responsibility to find someone they can trust, just as they found their regular nanny. They can either afford it, or if they feel guilty about so much absence from their kids, they need to reassess their time away from home.

You'll still be teaching them boundaries - and how to examine theirs - by setting your own.

Last year I didn't like my high-school classmates and became really close with only one girl. This year she was put with all her CLOSEST friends and I've had NO ONE.

I don't get a hello and she talks crap about me behind my back with all her Best Friends Forever. My mom misses her too, because she knew we were BFF's. But I think it's time to give up.

Alone

Consider her as The Invisible Girl. She's too insecure to speak up for a pal, too shallow to not lean on others for credibility. Last year she had you, this year she needs a pack. She'll keep drifting through friendships unless she matures and develops the character to be a loyal friend.

You and your Mom both need to forget about her and focus on your need and ability to be open and accepting so you can make new friends.