My boss is a terrible communicator. He doesn’t respond to emails, texts or phone calls. When he does respond, it’s one-word answers and only partially addresses the issue at hand. My team was working on a project, and we came to a crossroads. We needed to understand the timeline, cost and location of three different situations. As the project manager, it was up to me to liaise with the boss.

I sent him an email – no response. I called him – no response. I texted him on his private line – no response. I let it go for a day or two and then called again. Still no response. Two days later, he sent a hasty reply with random numbers that didn’t make sense.

I had no choice but try to speak to another manager. That manager attempted to answer our questions, and we got somewhere, but then assured me he would speak to the boss on my behalf. Nothing.

Now I’m being called in to discuss my performance on this project. What gives?

Hello?

This is a very interesting topic for me. The more methods of communication that exist – phone, text, email, messenger, WhatsApp, snapchat, Instagram, to name a few – the harder it is to have a conversation with someone. But in this situation, you’re referring to the boss. Is he the head of your whole company or just of your division? If the former, then this may not be possible to address. If the latter, then you can speak to HR, show them all your attempts at getting in touch and explain why the project is running behind.

Reader’s Commentary Regarding the parents feeling cursed and confused (April 18):

“There have been a few columns relating to family estrangement, some of which hit very close to home, somewhat triggering for me.

“My sibling and I have had family difficulties that have escalated over the last five years.  Our difficulties were orchestrated by our mother, escalating as our dad's health declined, which isolated him, and gave my mother more control.  We now realize that she was intercepting our dad's emails, and impersonating him, as far back as 2018.  It was a slow progression of isolation and separation, which we didn't fully realize at that time, and which was also facilitated by Covid restrictions.  We also came to realize that she has multiple email addresses, anonymous and random, for a variety of purposes.

“My sibling and I (and our children) always had loving, close relationships with our dad. Our relationship with our mother was always difficult.  We all walked on eggshells our whole lives, but she kept her behaviour within certain limits when my dad was healthy, and certainly on her best behaviour to the outside world.  We persevered, putting on happy faces at celebrations and holidays, to portray the ‘perfect family’ to the outside world, while suffering behind the scenes.

“My father was a very kind and loving man, loyal to a fault.  I have forgiven him for not protecting me, when I was a child. It was a different time, and different generation.  She subjected us to terrible emotional abuse.  When we fully realized this, and the emotional abuse extended to our children, which was shocking and intolerable, we had to set boundaries.  We informed her that we would not communicate further with her, unless she obtained professional help. She refused.

Sometimes boundaries are necessary. And protecting children (the grandchildren) is of utmost importance. THANK YOU for acknowledging that there is likely more to the story.”

How do my partner and I reconcile this big difference between us: I LOVE a good surprise, and she hates to not be in the know. Which means that I never get surprised because she doesn’t know how to plan or orchestrate something in that manner, and I can never plan a surprise for her because she would not respond well.

In the end, she sort of wins the imbalance because she’s never surprised or surprising, always in the know. And I lose because I can never surprise or be surprised. It may sound silly to you, but it’s part of what makes me happy and to think that will never again happen for me, is frankly, very upsetting.

Is this relationship doomed?

No Surprise

Have you told all of this to your partner? Does she understand how important this is for you? If she just doesn’t get it, and you can’t seem to impress your feelings upon her, then maybe you aren’t sympatico. If she does hear you but just can’t change, perhaps together you could find friends and family to surprise, and surprise you.