I have a friend who has great style. She has a look. She doesn’t wear the exact same thing every day, but when I see her, I know what she’ll be wearing. She often wears jeans, or a loose pant in the summer. On top, she often wears a blouse or a T-shirt. On top of everything, she almost always wears a long, flowing oversized cardigan.
It's a great look and she always looks fabulous. But – she always looks the same. How can I tell her that I think she needs to switch it up a bit?
Boring wardrobe
Who made you fashion judge? You said she always looks great, so leave her to her own style. It’s not your business. I also don’t think you’re being a very good friend. It’s not as though she’s having an issue or problem with her wardrobe. Why are you trying to stir something up? Shake up your own wardrobe if you so desire. Leave hers alone.
My brother has a new girlfriend every six months or less. I don’t really care – it’s his life. But he falls head over heels and then brings her home to meet all of us. We’re so jaded by this point that we’re not overly friendly, which probably doesn’t help matters.
But honestly, how many times can I be expected to bring someone into my life who is then ousted within the year?!? I became good friends with two of them in the beginning. One was a good friend for a while after they broke up, until I realized she just wanted to get back together with my brother. The other has remained in all our lives for years now.
How can I get my brother to stop bringing these women into our lives until they’ve passed the point of return?
Terrible Turnover
You can’t control your brother’s overzealous dating antics, nor whether he brings these women home to meet his family. (Maybe it’s a decision-making factor for him to see how well they integrate into his/your family?).
You can control how you treat them when they arrive for dinner, and how you choose to interact with them. You can also control how your relationship moves forward with each of these women. You don’t HAVE to become close friends with them unless you choose to.
Focus on your behaviour, which is a controllable factor, and not on his. One day, one of these women, will stay the course.
I recently met a guy at the food court near my workplace. We discovered we work in the same building, different floors, different companies. We ended up sitting together and eating lunch. I got called away quickly and forgot to exchange information.
A week or so later, I saw him again. He apologized that he had been away on a work conference. Truth is, I hadn’t been to the food court but once since I met him and was starting to feel badly about jilting him. I told him and we both laughed.
But now I’m annoyed that he thought I was stalking him or waiting for him every day.
Not that Into You
Sounds to me as though you’re creating an issue where none exists. You basically thought the same thing – that you wondered if he was looking for you in the food court – so why can’t he think that about you?
And why is that a negative? If you don’t know how to contact someone, doesn’t it make sense to go to the one and only place you met them?
Meet him for a planned lunch, or coffee, and see if there’s a spark or even room for friendship. You never know, he may have a friend.
FEEDBACK Regarding the husband who is “not the same person (July 22):
Reader – “The elephant in the room must be acknowledged. He’s smoking pot every night, and if he continues to do so, there’s not going to be much change. Whatever one thinks about marijuana consumption, no one has ever claimed it’s energizing, makes you ambitious or helps you lose weight! And if he is consuming it daily, it will mask any of his underlying problems.
“Just as there is no point in arguing with someone who is drunk, it’s probably useless to try to influence someone who is too mellow to think.”
FEEDBACK Regarding the new boyfriend who parties (July 24):
Reader – “She should absolutely bail on this guy... they don't mix. From a guy who likes to party, maybe not as much as him, it's heartbreak and stress waiting to happen. She'll never understand it, so why bother.”