My husband's sister separated from her husband just 18 months ago; her two daughters haven't adjusted that well and the older one, age eight, is acting out.

Though their mother's a bright woman, has a good job, and is trying to help her kids adjust, we believe she's rushed into a romance that won't turn out well. The guy she's dating is older with adult children and doesn't seem committed to helping settle her kids.

On Saturday nights when the girls could use her attention, he's more interested in their getting a baby-sitter and going out as a couple.

It seems that my sister-in-law's relying on this man to turn her life around. But his reluctance to make her kids a priority has us believing he'll end this romance one day, and then both she and the kids will be a mess.

What can we do?

Worried

Be a support team instead of critics on the couch. This mother is already aware of her children's adjustment; you can be helpful by visiting the kids, occasionally taking them out or to your place, to show they're part of a larger extended family that cares about them.

The "romance" is the mother's business so long as she's not neglecting her daughters, and one night out a week doesn't indicate neglect. That could even be the night you two sometimes offer to baby-sit.

Yes, she may be counting too much on this new guy, but it's not unusual for the recently separated to hope for a quick replacement partner (and yes, that wish is often disappointed).

Hopefully, your bright sister-in-law will soon recognize whether this guy is developing a commitment to her - and her children - or not. Meantime, he may be the wise one to not get overly involved with the kids before he figures that out for himself.

My cousin, who lives alone outside the city, is about to undergo hospital sessions of chemotherapy and radiation; I'm the only relative who's free, willing, and can afford to travel to help him.

Problem: I can't stand his cluttered home and always get busy trying to clean the place and clear the debris. I don't mind doing the work but in the past we've had difficult words over me "interfering in his life."

I can't stay elsewhere as the nearest motel is just a truck stop where I'd be more uncomfortable! I know he needs someone to take him to the hospital in the city, get him through the bad days after the treatments, and take him out on his good days - and I really do want to help.

But how can I get past his stubborn resistance to my making his place comfortable for me, for the period that I'm there?

Good Intentions

You talk the talk about this being all about your cousin's needs, but you don't walk the walk. This man is about to undergo a regime that will at times be hard on him - much harder than whether you have to put up with some temporary discomfort.

However, if you can't go there without causing him more stress with your unwanted cleaning, then find a solution that will help him.

Use the travel money to pay for a visiting nurse from a service agency closest to his area. Or offer to pay for his stay in a nursing facility near the hospital where he'll be treated. It's help he needs, not your vision of improving his surroundings.

We're five women friends with good jobs, good incomes, and generally good looks. Only one is single -though she's had several long relationships over the years. She's 53, easily meets men to date, yet she's obsessed about aging.

She keeps having "work" done on her face, neck, and hands, whatever. The latest is cheek implants, which has her resembling a chipmunk, though she assures us that when the swelling recedes she'll look much younger.

How can we tell her that she's actually starting to look ridiculous? These constant procedures take away from her image as a mature, accomplished professional.

Caring Friends

She doesn't want to hear it. She's already talking to doctors who do these procedures and convinced her of their benefit.

BUT, if she raises the topic, tell her she already carries the image she seeks of a desirable, attractive woman. And plastic surgery can't erase her inner fears of growing old.