My sister's ex-husband and I were once great buddies, we did a lot together over the seven years that they were together. They've recently divorced, and my parents hold him responsible for the break-up. They won't have anything to do with him. And they feel that I'd be "betraying" my sister if I maintain any contact with him.

My sister has joint custody with her ex of their twin sons, age five, so of course she sees him regularly and they're pretty amicable together. So I don't really understand why he and I can't get together some times, as old friends. Would that make me disloyal to my family? I feel like I've lost a brother.

Disconnected

Loyalty to family is important, but so is civility among decent people. And where children are involved, continuity and compassion also count.

Since both parents have agreed that they have equal place in the children's lives, their mother's relatives should NOT convey the message that their father's a bad person to be shunned.

Your parents are making a mistake for which their grandchildren may one day resent them. Tell them so.

Meanwhile, your relationship as "great buddies" will naturally adjust with this new situation, e.g. you likely won't feel comfortable double-dating with him and any next girlfriend (that would be hard for your sister to accept from you, at least for a good while).

But you can surely be in touch, especially where your nephews are involved, such as a day's outing with the kids together when you two can also catch up.

I've moved to New York City for my wife's high-level job in the investment industry. Instead of seeking work in my field (IT), I've decided to try writing the high-tech spy thriller I've daydreamed about. The plot lines are clear to me, but I need to finally take the time to develop its characters.

My wife works mostly with men - generally tightly wired, ambitious types. Whenever there's a company social function, I'm ignored by her colleagues who've apparently decided that since I'm not a money-chasing workaholic like them, I have nothing else to interest them.

I'm left with their wives, discussing the merits of various schools and the location of better drycleaners, since I'm also a househusband in the afternoons when our youngsters come home from school.

I'm happy to be able to stay home and pursue my

own dream, and lucky that between my savings and my wife's salary, we can afford it for this one year.

But how do I maintain my pride and place in the pecking order when I'm around all these Alpha males who just don't get me?

Different

Change your attitude. Those wives, like you, have more interesting things to share beyond domestic matters. As a writer, you'd gain more from plumbing the many layers of thought, ideas, and dreams of a demographic you clearly don't now understand and value, than worrying about the male pecking order, which you've already side-stepped.

Next, do what all novelists, journalists and social observers learn is essential to their craft: Listen. Instead of trying to convey who you are, find out who these men really are beneath the surface - their unique histories, personal role models, inner drives and private yearnings.

Show discreet interest in their lives and you'll soon not only be welcomed among the pack, you'll have far more depth to give your male characters, too.

I'm a single mother and got my real estate license recently, after being laid off from my corporate job. I've already sold two houses despite a slow market locally.

I expected my close friends to support me. Yet my best guy friend not only used another agent, he didn't tell me until his house actually sold! I'm so angry I've stopped speaking to him. Am I overreacting?

Fuming

He had some reasons for that decision, so ask what they were, without blame.

He should've told you ahead, but it's likely he feared upsetting you. It's also likely he wanted to avoid mixing friendship and money, especially if the house didn't sell quickly or the price you recommended was lower than he wanted to accept.

Remember, you still lack the practiced negotiating experience most sellers want for this most significant financial transaction. Better to practice on professional clients, rather than close friends.