I've been seeing my boyfriend for only a few months. Unfortunately, we started dating just weeks before he moved to another State, but we talk daily.

We have similar interests, I can be myself around him, and I trust him 110%. We've already started making plans for a life together. However, we've only had sex a handful of times. And, it's been awkward. Our sexual styles differ. Sometimes he’s more dominating than I am, and it even startled me once.

He was very understanding about it, but because of the distance, all we can do is talk about it; we can’t actually work on anything.

I’m very shy, and have trouble discussing these topics.

He’s the most caring and thoughtful boyfriend I've ever had. I've been with abusive men, so I don't want to give up on this relationship. I just don't know how to work on it.

Sad about Sex

You’re building a bigger problem out of a limited fact: You can’t see each other often, period. So it means you can’t change your physical connection… until you can.

Meanwhile, you CAN talk about it, and the conversation is necessary, rather than create anxieties that’ll interfere when you do get together.

Tell him what you mean by his dominance frightening you (being shy, it should be easier to discuss gently while apart). Explain that you’ve experienced past abuse. Look for a sex manual on the self-help shelves that you find comfortable to talk about and send a copy to him as a gift.

My live-in boyfriend of nine months has stopped having sex with me. He says he isn't cheating and still finds me attractive, but won't see a doctor about his lack of interest.

I worry that our relationship will end soon because I need sex to boost my self-confidence and signify love. How do I re-spark his interest?

Neglected Girlfriend

Save your self-esteem. Unless he has other great qualities, and/or some change has happened recently that might’ve caused this (a death, job loss, injury), do NOT just accept his withdrawal.

Otherwise, it’s a still-early relationship; so ask him to leave before it’s too late… e.g.. depending on your legal jurisdiction, he could be entitled to a share of your home and income support if you live together for a period considered a common-law union.

If he won’t see a doctor or a counselor, or talk about this further, nothing you do will “spark his interest.” Because this is about him, not you. Tell him to start packing.

I'm a junior in high school, looking at colleges. My mom wants me to continue playing the oboe in college, but I now don't enjoy it.

She said I need to do oboe in college because I can get a scholarship.

I'm not that good at playing the instrument. And I wouldn't enjoy spending hours in band, as it’d be taking up all my time. What should I do?

Oboe Obstacle

Talk to your mom (not in an argument) and ask what she’s really saying. There’s a message you’re not getting because she’s not being clear when mentioning a scholarship.

It’s likely about money. She wants you to have the education but may have worries about the costs. A scholarship of any kind would allay those concerns, but she’s hoping you’ll stay with the oboe, and she won’t have to mention costs and have you worrying, too.

Show her you’re mature enough to discuss realities, and explore possibilities like student loans, part-time jobs, etc. to calm her concerns.

With every woman I’ve been with, I’ve been cheated on, misled, or abandoned for "better lovers."

Also, many people (family) I love suffer from drug addiction and frequently disappear.

I’m a second-year college student and many of my good friends are dating, so haven’t been communicating with me as often.

I’ve also recently lost weight and have an abundance of stretch marks. I’m coming off psychiatric medications, which most likely doesn't help. How can I love myself when I don’t have confidence to try anymore?

Lost and Lonely

I urge you to go to student services, and ask for someone to talk to. Also, get re-assessed by a doctor regarding medications, as coming off without back-up treatment can cause this deep level of depression, which makes everything seem bleaker.

You’re young, smart, and can surmount these circumstances with professional help. You do have value, to yourself, friends, and family who love you.