My wife loves me but isn’t “in love;” she left last month. 

We’re sharing custody of our kids. There’s no other man.

Her adoptive parents divorced when she was 10, she never again saw that “father,” her “mother” died when she was 17. I was her only relative.

I think she’s having a mid-life crisis (she’s 38), so I’m not dating, divorcing, nor pressuring her to come back, yet.

- Fooling Myself?

It’s too soon for everyone, especially the kids, for you to consider dating; give at least six months to a year for the family to settle into this new situation. 

Your wife experienced much “abandonment” in the past; you’re wise and thoughtful to not close any doors.

She’d benefit from personal counselling; suggest this as important to her own self-discovery, rather than a push for reconciliation.

I recently ended a romance with a man because his ex asked him to come back. 

When he first told me, I didn’t force him to choose, but a few days later, we ended the relationship. I know it was the best decision for both of us, but I still feel there was something more I could’ve done.

The relationship would’ve made me suspicious and paranoid, yet he’s a good man whom I miss.

Should I just leave him alone or tell him that I miss him?

- Lonely Heart

Get on with your life in positive ways, instead of stirring up confusion on both sides. Telling him you miss him is just another way to stay involved, making you “suspicious and paranoid”… which is sure to convince him to stay where he is. 

It’s crucial for you to move forward on your own. Now.

Focus on connecting with friends and family who love and support you, and get active in things you enjoy doing.

My husband of 10 years and I have a dilemma with my brother-in-law and sister-in-law regarding their son, age 3. 

We live far from them and see them only 1-3 times a year. When I’ve visited, I’ve noticed their son shows signs of autism.

My brother-in-law does not talk to his parents and doesn’t associate much with the rest of the family, though all live near him.

Until recently, he and my husband were on good terms, but are now fighting.

My heart aches for my nephew; we’re not sure if his parents are aware or not.

My mother-in-law wants me to tell them, my husband is unsure, as it could cause permanent communication loss with his brother.

I just want to get my nephew some help. Should I tell them and if not me, who should?

- Concerned Aunt

It’s always worth the effort to help a child… but proceed very cautiously, as a greater family rift could make his father resistant to believing there’s a problem, IF there is one. 

Unless you’re a professional in this field, do NOT make assumptions or fan fears, even among the rest of the relatives. Instead, reach out to your sister-in-law as woman to woman, to ask how she’s doing in general, in the light of the lessened communication with your husband. Ask gentle questions about your nephew – how he is, his behaviour, his socialization.

If she raises problems or concerns, do NOT suggest a diagnosis, but do recommend she see the doctor and ask questions of her own.

Try to keep up this contact as a support to the mother, which she undoubtedly needs anyway, since your brother-in-law isolates himself from family.

My close friend, 28, has been doing cocaine a lot.  

She’s never revealed it to me or her boyfriend of six months; he blames her “feeling down” on her roommate, who’s an addict, but he’s not putting two and two together.

Another addicted friend told me she’s using.

I’m worried she’ll lose this great guy, or die. I’d betray her by saying anything to him, and she’ll just push me away if I talk to her.

- Worried

It’s a worse “betrayal” to ignore a close friend’s descent into drug addiction. She needs intervention, but that’s not a casual or easy process. 

You must talk to her, and if she won’t listen, enlist her boyfriend to help you get her away from her circle of addicts, and getting off cocaine.

If her family’s available, ask for their help too. She may retreat from you, but once clean, she’ll know you’re a true friend.