Dear Readers - It's apparent that the topic of "destination weddings" is fuel for a volatile debate waiting to happen! My April 6 column included a letter from an aunt contemplating whether to attend her nephew's wedding. She expressed many reservations about cost and travel to certain locations, yet was also concerned about hurting her relationship with her sister (the groom's mother).

In yesterday's column (May 2) that original writer responded to my answer. You can find it on www.ellieadvice.com, click on Archives.

Here are some responses and personal experiences of other readers:

Reader #1 - "I received an invitation to a "destination" wedding. I was stunned to read that if I wanted to attend, I should submit a deposit for several thousand dollars.

"The bride's mother had previously told me that weddings were too expensive these days. (A cup of tea in the church basement would've been fine if that was all they could afford. They are not poor and have only one daughter.)

"Hardly any one attended this wedding and most of us were appalled to be asked to pay to go. Some friends of the bride went, but no family. We were all saddened but could not afford to miss work, give up our holiday time, and pay thousands of dollars to attend, also older family members couldn't go because of health issues.

"At least 45 family members declined and we all think the bride chose a few friends over her entire family on both sides. We presume the bride gets freebies if she brings paying guests to the resort. I understand that it is the bride's day and not about us, but aren't weddings about family?? What are we missing here??"

Reader #2 - "You advised the aunt to attend the wedding for the sake of her sister. I, on the other hand question that advice, if the aunt truly doesn't want to go.

"Recently our family was in a similar predicament. My husband and I married in Hawaii last year and we invited our immediate family and the siblings of our parents. Some family members couldn't come due to financial circumstances, which of course we understood.

"However, one of my aunts (my mother's sister) kept us waiting for her RSVP (we kept on calling, emailing, but didn't receive a reply until my uncle delivered her regrets three days before the wedding)!

"We suspected for a while that she wouldn't attend for many reasons which I won't get into, but I suspect that the obligatory nature of the event (she'd be the only sibling of my mother not to attend) kept her from saying so.

"Although we missed her, I wouldn't have wanted her to attend if her primary reason for doing so was out of obligation.

"Yes, a wedding's a family event, but it's also a special day for the couple getting married. If the writer of the original question cannot see beyond herself and see whom this event is celebrating -- her nephew's love for his bride-to-be, and a celebration of an addition to her sister's family -- then maybe it's best that she does not attend.

"Whatever she decides, it would be better if her decision is guided by love rather than by obligation."

"Destination Bride"

Reader #3 - "We haven't enough money to travel when a bridal couple chooses to have a romantic ceremony outside the country. If the aunt who's questioning whether to go is saving for a house, as she indicated, that should've been acknowledged in your advice. She shouldn't be discouraged in her effort to achieve her goal.

"Persons with limited means have to choose their priorities. Saving for a house is a valid choice. Of course, a wedding gift is still in order.

"When we've been invited to weddings in distant locations and didn't travel to the event, the parents who resided locally provided an informal open house and dinner for those unable to attend, held when the bridal couple returned.

"The onus should be on the bride's (or the groom's) parents. The type of mini-reception upon return should depend on the means of the parents. It doesn't have to be elaborate."