My girlfriend of 18 months won’t take my hand, and moves away from me when we meet up with friends.
Recently, on a weekend away together, she was much more touchy-feely. Back home, she’s walking with the wind between us again.
How can I get her to relax about people knowing we’re together? I love her and want this to last.
Snuggle up, privately: Express your love and commitment for the long-term. Find out if she feels the same way.
Be prepared that she may be hoping for some more defined public display from you, as in a ring.
We put our three daughters through college, without complaints, despite that it sometimes caused us difficulty.
We never interfered with their marriages. But Ellie, they now treat us so badly. Their in-laws are respected and we’re disrespected. We don’t know or understand why.
Our youngest daughter’s husband buys his parents very expensive gifts (e.g. a piano for his mother); he gives them in front of us and watches our faces. Meanwhile, we’re given a mug and a lottery ticket.
When we visit, we’re made to feel second class.
We learned that our daughter threw out valuable porcelain pieces that we’d given her as a teenager. Why couldn’t she ask us if we’d like them back? When I gently pointed out their value, she said, “I didn’t want them anymore.”
When I once tried to talk to her, she swore at me. So we keep quiet.
They’re so different with his mum, who’s interfering and controlling.
- Shabby Treatment
One daughter and son-in-law seem to be the most disrespectful; and money issues appear to be the great divider between them and you two.
If all three daughters have truly become rude, and hurtful to you, then the family relationship soured along the way for more reasons than are clear here.
I recommend that you and Hubby talk to a counsellor to try and get to the root of this situation. Ask if any of your daughters will consider family therapy with you, at least for the sake of being able to relate comfortably to any grandchildren you may have.
I agreed to let my husband's younger sister move in with us, rent-free, until she was settled in this country.
She soon had my husband driving her to and from work, weekly doctor's appointments, massage appointments, etc. I was doing her laundry, and my husband cleaned her bathroom. I accidentally read an email of hers, bad-mouthing me. I said nothing.
Once, I went to her room to get something she'd borrowed. She started sending me harsh warnings she'd hold me responsible if anything went missing from her room. She finally moved out and took some of my things without asking.
She has my husband financing her newly-furnished home and wants to buy a car with his credit.
My husband blames me, saying that I hacked her e-mail. She told him many lies about me. He doesn't tell me that he's going to meet her.
I think I need to get out.
- CONFUSED & STRESSED
Something allows Sneaky Sis to control your husband - it may be a cultural influence - nevertheless, he needs to recognize its cost to his marriage.
Insist on a break of several months (get legal advice, too). Say that, to get back together, he must be open with you about his contact with his sister, discuss financial involvements that’ll affect your joint lifestyle, and treat you as respectfully as he does her.
My recently-deceased father left everything to my mother and eldest brother. I suspect they influenced him.
I’ve discovered that a separate sum was to be shared amongst all siblings. My mother and brother didn’t disclose this. My brother now claims it’s up to him whether to divide the money.
I’ve previously considered severing contact with them, as this is a painful and toxic on-going pattern they have with me.
I’ve given my young-adult daughters emotional permission to choose whether they want to maintain contact with their grandmother and uncle. Am I setting a bad example?
Regarding persistently painful relationships, demonstrating when to cut losses is a good example.
As a role model, it’s important to balance this action with caring, respectful behaviour with your daughters, and to remember that your family history is different from theirs. You’ve wisely done this, by separating their connections and loyalty to these relatives, from yours.
Tip of the day:
When a partner’s holding back, ask the right questions.