Dear Readers - More Responses regarding the value of high-end and other dating sites (asked April 15):

Reader #1 - I’m female, mid-20s, professional. Friends describe me as attractive, well spoken, and outgoing.

Work life had made it difficult to meet eligible men interested in long-term relationships.

I joined a free service and got fed up with the men who were messaging me (they didn't meet my criteria and clearly weren’t looking for relationships). I deleted my profile.

When I later re-joined, I hid my profile and took the initiative to message guys myself. It worked. I've been with my boyfriend for 18 months, and couldn't be happier!

My girlfriend found a three-month deal for a $15-monthly trial with a paid site, met someone, and they've been together five months.

I prefer trying things myself before paying to have someone else do it for me, so it makes sense that I found someone with similar views (applies to various aspects of our lives) on a free website.

However, someone placing a lot of importance on wealth, and looking for someone who feels the same way (and may also have personal wealth), might be better suited for an exclusive, paid site, since it’s likely everyone on it has similar views.

Reader #2 - I’m a man who’s used several sites with different pricing models: 1) Entirely free-to-use sites. 2) Sites where it’s free to browse and look at profiles, but users must pay to write an actual message (in many cases it’s free to respond.)

3) Sites requiring all users to pay a monthly fee.

I know people who’ve met their life partners through each of these methods, so they definitely all have the potential to work.

However, as someone clearly looking for a serious relationship (I met my partner on #3) I found a great deal of frustration with the web sites 1) and 2).

For a long time I thought there was something wrong with me, whereas on the third site I garnered more interest from women – though using the same profile picture everywhere.

In my experience, the free sites and those where it’s free to respond, tended to attract people who weren’t necessarily looking for a life partner.

Those sites are a "free-for-all" where people can browse everyone’s profile at will.

The sites that require a monthly fee and require taking time answering a series of questions before users can activate their profile, weed out many people who aren’t serious.

Additionally, a “matching” site delivers a certain number of matches, which makes a free-for-all scenario less likely and enables people to focus on a small number of potential mates.

Reader #3 - Met my husband through a dating site – one with modest fee - when both in our mid-20s. We started with a simple phone conversation, and then met fairly quickly, and that was that! We married in 2005 and have two (soon to be three) kids.

My Tips:

Be honest – most people out there don’t want to be burned either. If you’re just looking for a hook-up, then state that.

Use a recent photo. No glamour shots or bikini shots.

Meet up as soon as you can in person. Texting/emails/phoning doesn’t equal a relationship.

One date isn’t a relationship. Don’t set your expectations super high.

Relax; you may have to meet several people.

Lastly, for those who are super picky:

Make a list of your 10 “must-haves” in a guy/girl.

Divide that list in half.

Take away two more items. The remaining three qualities are what you should focus on finding.

I’m a man whose experience with a free-to-browse, pay-to-message site only received interest and emails from foreign-based profiles (e.g. Africa, China) without any profile pictures.

When I tried to pull up the profile on the match site, it’s listed as unavailable. The "women" of these profiles always ask me to take the chat to Yahoo or MSN. I’ve discovered this is because they’ve hacked into the site and their time’s limited before they’re discovered and banned. Ultimately the goal is to gain your information and trust and then your money.

I’m separated four months, and have always had attractive partners. Not sure what I'm doing wrong, maybe I'm just not patient enough, but unsure about a site like this for those of us over 40.

Timing’s crucial. When so newly separated, your approach might seem too eager, and may’ve set you up for those scammers. Think about what you’re really looking for beyond an “attractive” partner.