Last month, my girlfriend and I tried an experiment. We agreed to find the fun without breaking the bank or relying on our tech. We kept our cellphones on because we both needed them for work, but we did our best to shut down our computers at 6 p.m. every day, and we unplugged our television.

We meal planned for the week, but we allowed for a lot of spontaneity for the evenings. We gave up Starbucks and going out for lunch, and we got creative with our dinners. Her mom has a little veggie garden that’s mainly just for fun, but we picked and ate from it.

We read, played cards, played guitar and sang, and talked and talked and talked. We talked about what we would do if we didn’t have enough money to live the way we were used to living. We talked about what we could and couldn’t live without.

For the most part, we agreed, and the experiment was fun. But there’s one thing she said that I can’t get over. How do I deal with this discrepancy?

Not in alignment

It’s very hard for me to respond without any details. For example, if she said she could never give up silk bedsheets, no matter how little money you had, you might think she’s too materialistic for you. If she said, without money she would be happy never having children, that might be a total deal breaker for you.

I suggest circling back with her and telling her how you feel. Maybe you misunderstood her; maybe she was talking knowing it was a hypothetical conversation. I could live without a lot of things if I knew I didn’t really have to give them up. See what I mean?

Before you jump to conclusions and end the relationship, have a good talk with your girlfriend and clarify your issue. If it’s legit, then better to know now before you get more deeply involved.

My wife is extremely moody lately and I can’t figure out if she is mad at me, the kids, the dog, her job, or what. She’s all over the place! Some mornings she wakes up her normal cheery self; other mornings, she’s an ogre. And it’s not about coffee because she usually has her first cup at work.

Some days she calls me multiple times from work, some days, never. Some evenings, she’s full of summer happiness and excited to go for walks, eat out, see friends; other evenings she’s annoyed I don’t have a dinner plan, and she wants to watch her shows alone.

What is happening here?

Mid-life wife crisis

I don’t think your wife is having a crisis…. I think she’s perimenopausal or in menopause. Your longer letter gave me a better idea of her age, which was helpful. I’m not diagnosing her; just suggesting that the timing and your description seem to be in alignment.

You could gently mention to your wife that it seems as though something is bothering her. That you would like to help her, however you can, and however she would like. And you could suggest that maybe she get some blood work done, just to check her health. Hopefully, that will send her to her doctor, and the doctor could suggest this new stage in her life.

I’m being cautious because some women are open to discussing their hormones with their husbands and some women are not. I’m erring on the side of not.

Show your wife some empathy; it’s not an easy time. Try to talk to her about it – not in a know-it-all way, but in a helpful, informative, partner way. Tell her you want to be part of her journey, not a bystander. Then work together and enjoy the ride.

FEEDBACK Regarding the vegetarian and the raw lamb (May 23):

Reader – “You were incredibly gentle. If I was a part of that family, I would be encouraging the sister to report the brother for this deliberate act of contaminating the veggie burger.

“These are university students. They are adults. This was not a prank. And his apologies, no matter how sincere, simply don't cut it.”

Lisi – Reporting her brother? To whom? He didn’t commit a crime. He pulled a prank that went too far. He obviously didn’t think it through. He’s a university student, still young enough to make stupid mistakes. His brain won’t reach full maturity until he’s 25.

I don’t think I was too soft. I think you’re being too harsh. She’s sick and upset; she’s not going to call the police.

But I’d be afraid to step out of line in your family.